The Beautiful Game
Maybe it’s something that’s covered enough in the media already … God knows the whole concept of “The Football Widow” is bandied about so much on TV and radio whenever these tournaments come around that they actually become part of the very problem they’re trying to solve … but I think it needs properly stating:
Hey, media! There are people out here that do not like football!
In fact, there are people that LOATHE football.
People that, at the sight of 22 imbecilic, brainless Neanderthals lumbering around a pitch, spitting and falling over, feel positively overcome with frustration that SO MUCH airtime is dedicated to this POINTLESS activity while perfectly decent other programming is moved or simply cancelled to make the space.
Everyone has access to sports channels these days. Whether their “thing” is football, baseball, hockey, darts, snooker, speedway … EVERYTHING is covered up there in the 400’s on your Sky dial (and it’s other more generic equivalents). So why do we have to endure this endless coverage on channels that otherwise cover no sporting events at all?
And not only that.
Everything on TV and radio has become football-oriented in the build up to the World Cup. Countless programs that are on every day suddenly need to have their ads bastardized with images of their stars on mocked-up football cards, or put into football formations on a crappy football pitch graphic … you can’t even see an advert for crisps or chocolate without getting the World Cup shoved down your throat.
Are the general public really this dense? Really so easily manipulated?
“You will buy our product because the advert has football in it!”
Go Fuck Yourselves.
I will now AVOID your products based solely on your feeble attempts to garner my interest by saturating my life with references to something in which you assume I am interested.
Everywhere you look, there are new programs popping up providing analysis and commentary on the games as they unfold … never mind the fact that each 90 minute game will be covered by over 2 hours of the same endless drivel and cliched waffle. “So, don’t watch it!” I hear you say. And I won’t – but that basically means that I may as well unplug my TV for the next 4 weeks because the coverage is simply unavoidable. My only hope is that England are knocked out in the early stages so this homo-erotic, nightmarish TV Hell may be cut short.
It’s not even just the football coverage that’s been cranked up to 11. All of the hideous, money-grabbing tabloid newspapers and gut-wrenching, fluff-filled magazines are having a field day with stories on footballer’s tempers, injuries and relationships. You’d have to lock yourself in a soundproof box to get away from this bombardment of drivel.
Thank the lord for my DVD collection!
Of course, this only frees me from half of the saturation of football that periodically invades my life. The rest is from friends, family and colleagues that suddenly become the biggest football nerds on the planet as World Cups, league finals, champions league finals and God know what else come to their inevitably disappointing and dull climaxes as the same few teams fight for the meaningless titles. I find myself in the middle of conversations about red and yellow card rulings, penalty shoot outs, offside rules, tactics, goals-on-aggregate, formation and injuries … SWEET JESUS, THE INJURIES!
You know that I’m not the slightest bit interested – and worst of all, I know that YOU’RE not interested! You’re just way too easily brainwashed by the constant stream of football bollocks being fed into your brain. You’ve been forced to think about it 500 times a day for the last 3 months and it’s convinced you that you’re actually interested. Some people will even admit that they only watch it when it’s England playing! To which the obvious response is “so, WHY? Do you even know why you’re watching?”
Your weak minds are making it too easy for the media to control your interests. Think for yourself, just for once! You might enjoy it.
They call football a “Great Working Class Escape”. Well, if your life is really SO empty that you have to grab onto this uninspiring, meaningless, mind-numbingly boring game to escape into a world where you have some false sense of belonging to something – anything in order to stop you from deep-throating the business end of a shot gun, don’t fucking bother. The world doesn’t need people like you. And we certainly don’t need to hear you cheering drunkenly at each other across the pub, making a noise like a crowd of retards drowning in their own faeces.
In fact, without the immense drag of your DNA in the gene pool, the world would be a much better place. But do me a personal favour before you eat that bullet. First, take care of any offspring you may have spawned – kill the weed as well as the root.
MisterShouty 