Hang The DJ!
It’s a subject I’ve touched upon briefly in the past.
Overly cheerful DJ’s are possibly the worst thing to wake up to every day. The alarm clock goes off, or you stroll into the kitchen or you get into the car … most likely still not fully awake … and you are bombarded with these arseholes who, after years of getting up at 3am in order to get to their breakfast show by 6 have turned into jibbering, brainless morons that think rambling on about last night’s X Factor whilst hopped up on vicious amounts of caffeine constitutes morning entertainment.
It is 8am! What is REALLY needed here is regular traffic reports amongst an eclectic mix of calm, soothing music. I’m not asking for whalesong or fucking Coldplay … but Nickelback and Eminem first thing in the morning can do absolutely NOTHING to help start the day well!
But nothing is more annoying than the rambling. Sweet Fucking Jesus, they just never stop. You can imagine that, even during news updates and whilst playing songs, they’re still there, pupils dilated, their 20th espresso of the morning in their shaking hand just gabbling at the mic … no one listening, not even noticing! And they are just SO PLEASED with themselves. They love themselves so much they can barely stand it. I’m not sure they have the IQ to grasp this, but when Chris Moyles proclaimed himself as The Saviour Of Radio 1, he was being ironic!
Although, that’s pretty much the only time he can be used as an example of better behaviour than the rest of the herd. His style of broadcasting is otherwise the epitome of everything that is bad in radio. The constant references to inside jokes, the likes of which you have to have been listening every day for years to understand. The introduction of “characters” to the show who are basically there to fetch tea but end up on the air because the presenter is under the illusion that they’re just HILARIOUS.
Well, they’re not. They’re just as moronic as you, but lacking the basic skill of pressing the right button when they’re required to.
Not that the presenter actually has much button-pushing to do! The producers take care of anything that requires an IQ that has reached double figures. But of course, not even the producers can keep their traps shut these days. News Flash, pal – you’re on THAT side of the glass because you have no personality. You’re good for pushing buttons, and that’s about it. DON’T try to join in with the DJ’s banter. The results are ALWAYS nothing short of embarassing.
So, onto these tossbag’s show’s contents.
When they can manage to go more than a few minutes without fucking things up by broadcasting dead air … or being so totally disorganized that they can’t find their feeble attempt at show notes … and finding their ineptitude completely hilarious of course, the actual programs always contain the same pap and fluff with the occasional offensive comment – totally scripted in order to get a response … ANY response … from the listener – and is always accompanied by the same tired playlist of 15 songs (if we’re lucky) that the station is contracted to play what seems like 100 times a day, every day!
Even stations that go on about being “no repeat radio” just shuffle the same collection of songs about every day. OK, so you don’t play the same song twice in any 12 or 24 hours … but once that time has expired we’re straight back into the exact same playlist! It wouldn’t even be quite so bad if the songs spanned a few genres, but they just don’t. You get no variety, no variation – EVERYTHING is from the exact same tiny section of the music available to us as consumers.
And to compound this endlessly annoying behaviour, these stations advertize “theme hours” and “theme weekends” in which they SEEM to be promising somthing different, but in fact are not!
Tune in this weekend! It’s 80’s weekend!
But your station plays 80’s music all week anyway! HOW IS IT DIFFERENT??
Well, our NORMAL playlist is music from the 00’s and NOW … with some additional music from the 80’s and 90’s! THIS WEEKEND is music from the 80’s and 90’s with additional music from the 00’s and NOW!
THAT’S THE SAME, YOU FUCKING WANKERS!
It’s alphabet hour!
… so, that’s your normal everyday playlist played in a slightly different order!
It’s ‘Musical Connections’ hour!
… yeah, that same playlist again, but in a slightly different order!
Even the DJ’s get so totally bored with the endless tirade of the same handful of songs over and over, day after day that they start adding their “hilarious” sound effects and idiotic comments all through the tunes. This is so disrespectful fo the artists!
Playing a clip of Tarzan’s cry over the chorus of a song because, in your unprofessional opinion, the guy singing sounds like he’s swinging through trees? Fuck you!
How do people put up with this mindless drivel?
Quizzes full of such ridiculously easy questions that any 5 year old could answer, being used solely to generate revenue on the phone lines. Thousands of people calling in at 20p per minute trying to win a prize forth £12.99 …
DJ’s making comments and stating “facts” knowing they’re wrong JUST TO CATCH the pedants listening who will find it their duty to text in and correct them … again, generating a chunk of revenue for the penny-pinching station’s coffers.
Oh, and let’s not forget the News and Weather updates that we’re forced to endure every 30 minutes … whether they have changed or not!
For a start, I feel it’s just complete overkill to have these updates on the half-hour. Seriously, if the news stories haven’t changed in the slightest in the 28 minutes since the last broadcast, is it REALLY necessary to trudge through them again? Just how many new listeners will have tuned in since the last time? And can they REALLY not wait until the hour?
And weather forecasts … for the love of God, WHY? I just don’t see the point of getting the minutia of the weather for the next few hours thumped into my skull every few minutes. It is SO RARE that any weather conditions that would actually affect me in any way – apart from turning on my car’s windscreen wipers – happen that I think it would be perfectly logical to drop weather reports completely from television and radio unless SOMETHING IS ACTUALLY HAPPENNING! 99% of all weather reports on the radio can be distilled into four words.
Sunshine and scattered showers.
Which means NOTHING anyway! What does that tell us?
Well, the sun is out but it might rain in some parts of the country.
Well, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GENIUS. I could predict that by looking out of the fucking window every morning. It’s nothing but a huge pile of steaming shite. The weather is so COMPLETELY unimportant, yet people seem to obsess over it’s tiniest details!
Oooh, a low of -1 tonight!
So fucking what? YOU’LL BE IN BED!
Maybe what this rant boils down to is the fact that there are so many people out there listening to this horrible “entertainment” that the market for it is still constantly growing. It’s just another example of the world being filled with retards … another symptom of the decay of the society in which we are trying to live … and it makes me sick to think that our kids will grow up in an environment where the general public are so fucking dense.
MisterShouty 