Mini-Rant: The Urban Flip-Flop
Also known as “Thongs” in Australia, “Zories” in parts of America, “Slip-Slops” in South Africa and “Twatwear” in my house.
To even call them a shoe is wholly inaccurate. They have a sole, yes. But they have no upper to speak of. Hence, NOT a shoe. They offer practically no protection to the actual foot. In fact, most of the time, they cause more damage between the toes than they could possibly be preventing to the soles of the wearer’s feet, rendering them less than useless! They’re actually counterproductive!
Men that wear these things really grind my gears.
It’s bad enough that they fall for the idiotic assertion thrust upon them by, and maintained by advertizers and their brainless wives and girlfriends, that they just have to wear these abominations of footwear whilst on holiday, or indeed visiting any beach whatsoever … or even out in their own garden if the sun has been shining for more than a fucking nanosecond, but the ones that really fuck me off to an unbelievable extent are the ones that wear them to the shops or just to go out anywhere in general, regardless of the weather, the country they live in or indeed the number of people like me they are bound to encounter and put into a state of bewilderment and fury.
(Breathe …)
Ok, so they may not be encountering many people quite like me, but I am certain that I am not alone in my dislike of the Urban Flip-Flop nor in my outright hatred of the arsehole wankers that insist on wearing them in conditions for which they are totally unsuitable. This piece of footwear was designed to be worn in places that are ACTUALLY hot – like Japan and New Zealand, and then Pakistan, Autralia and Greece. NOT London. NOT Brighton. And certainly not cities in central and northern England where a “cold snap” is a welcome relief from the non-stop shittily cold temperatures experienced for 350 days of every calendar year!
It was the complete epitome of this wanker that spurred me into action on this rant. Someone I observed a couple of days ago in a branch of Starbucks. Sitting there in his combat shorts, yellow t-shirt announcing that California is “too cool“, his fucking designer shades pushed up to his forehead as he taps away at his Macbook, most likely telling all of his four Facebook friends that he’s “getting coffee at Starbucks!1!!1!1 LOL” … it was all I could do not to walk over there and shatter my own Starbucks mug right over his stupid pointless face.
Having said that, he looked quite muscular, so I left it.
But that’s beside the point. There’s nothing else for it. These people deserve a punch in the mouth. And so do their women. No man in control of his own wardrobe would ever go out wearing such a ridiculous, uncomfortable, useless, worthless shitty item of clothing. Get a backbone and a set of balls, you flaccid worm!
When the Apocalypse comes, do you REALLY think you flip-flop wearers stand the slightest chance of surviving? Hell, I doubt you’d last even 12 hours without your precious iPhone.
MisterShouty 