MisterShouty

Yeah, cyclists. This is probably an obvious one, but I feel it needs saying …

 

I know I’m not usually one to worry about making sweeping generalizations when it comes to the objects of my disdain, but I feel it necessary to say that this is really just about the IDIOT cyclists out there, not all of them as such. I’m sure some do make an effort to be considerate and … well, NOT idiots, but the fact is I’ve not come across any of them yet.

 

Let’s start with the main one, shall we?

 

WHY is it legal or even considered correct by ANYONE in this country for cyclists to use the road? Not only is it dangerous for the cyclists, it is a huge source of danger to the people using the roads for their actual purpose. That is, means of transport that ARE capable of more than 20 miles per hour.

 

These first class morons cycle nonchalantly along, a metre or two away from the curb, swerving randomly into the flow of traffic and causing a great deal of sudden braking. If they can’t even point the damn things in one direction and stick to it, should they really be considered safe enough to share a road with vehicles big and heavy enough to crush their skulls right inside their puny plastic and styrofoam helmets?

 

If there is no cycle lane, I firmly believe that it should be illegal for these people to even set tyre on the road. They are nothing but a nuisance to traffic and a danger to everyone involved.

 

The worst thing is, you don’t even have to put up with these fuckheads just once, because once you pass them, the next time you hit a set of traffic lights or are slowed down by a bus or just general flow of traffic, there they are again! Weaving back and forth from the curb to the middle of the lane, pushing past everyone that had to negotiate their way past THEM just thirty seconds ago.

 

Being stuck on a stretch of road with slow moving traffic and a cyclist is a hell unlike any other on this earth. They need to stick to cycle lanes and the pavement, where they’re amongst the rest of the people moving between 10 and 20 miles per hour and the most damage they can do is graze a knee.

 

Let’s make this post a rant sandwich of sorts … I’ll separate the 2 sections of shouting with some random niceness!

 

I’ve heard this cyclist argument in many forms over the years and it seems that you can’t get more than five minutes into it without some idiot bringing up the fact that they don’t pay road tax. Now look, two things. First, bicycles do not cause wear and tear to roads. Their tyres are made of rubber and they generally carry a maximum of 200 pounds. If the roads are really suffering because of them, it’s the road’s problem! And second, the idiots that say cyclists should be paying tax are the exact same idiots that piss and moan about how much tax THEY are forced to pay and would be the FIRST to get out of any kind they could. So, do me a favour and shut the fuck up.

 

OK, wasn’t all that nice, but anyway … re-focusing, the other aspect of cyclists behaviour that I hate specifically comes from people I have worked with in offices.

 

Cycling to work does NOT give you the right to work an hour LESS than everyone else! These people leave their homes at the same time as if they were driving, arrive at the office 20 minutes late and then proceed to use the work’s shower facilities to wash off the stench before actually starting work!

 

Now, come on! ANY OTHER REASON given for consistently arriving late and then deciding to take a 20 minute shower before strolling up to your desk an hour after your start time would be regarded as bullshit and you’d get a severe bollocking. But NO! Stating for the whole office to hear that you cycled to work always gets an impressed look followed by a series of comments in admiration, even from their supervisors.

 

Yeah, fine! You’re getting/keeping fit by biking to work but seriously, if you arrive late every day because of it, you should be reprimanded like you would be for any other excuse!

 

Why is THAT excuse considered differently to, for example, getting in late every day because you enjoy a leisurely breakfast? Or a visit to Starbucks on your way to work?

 

It’s a double standard and I’m sick of having to observe it every damn day of the week! In my opinion, it’s just as bad as watching the smokers in the office taking a ten minute break out of every hour to get their fix, yet still leaving on time! I guess that’s a rant for another day …