Never Lie To A Woman
Today, here at MisterShouty, I’d like to change tack a little and offer some free advice to all of the guys out there that think it’s a good idea to lie to their lady.
DON’T!
It’s wrong, damaging to the trust you have nurtured within your relationship, hurtful when you are caught and most importantly, futile – You will ALWAYS get caught. Because women lie SO MUCH that they can smell your lie 100 yards away.
An extremely common cause of friction between heterosexual couples is the assertation by the woman that, no matter what upsetting action the man has carried out, it’s the fact that he lied about it that REALLY hurts. The ladies have this unshakable belief that dishonesty is worse than just about anything else.
Now the thing is, when a man lies, 9 times out of 10 it’s just so he can get some alone time or enjoy some sports event in the company of other men … or yes, so he can get away from his lady for an evening. OK, there are men that would also use this time to enjoy the attention of other ladies. They account for the remaining 1 out of 10. My point is that a man’s lie is just about always small and inconsequential.
“I have to work late” translates to “I’m going to the pub for a pint with workmates”
“I’ll do it in a minute” translates to “I’ll pretend to forget you asked me to do it”
Basically, as a man, I can tell you that really we just want to relax and do something fun or interesting. You ladies are constantly planning time consuming tasks, obligatory evenings with your annoying friends, remodelling and/or redecorating of the house and God knows what else, when all we want to do it pop open a beer and watch Breaking Bad.
So yeah, a couple of small lies here and there are utilized to claim we’re busy doing something else so we don’t have to listen to your moron friend talk about how awesome she is at her shitty job despite her boss being an asshole or sand, strip, paint and wallpaper every fucking room in the house because they don’t tally with this season’s colours. It’s only natural and really mostly your own fault.
Now, women …
That’s a whole different ball game. Not only do women lie constantly and persistently about almost everything, the magnitude of the lies makes man’s feeble attempts look like child’s play! The lies are so ingrained in women that they do it even without speaking. When you look at an average woman, without saying a word, she is lying about the colour of her hair, the tone of her skin, the shape of her lips, the size and shape of her breasts, her height, her weight, sometimes even her eye colour … the list goes on.
It seems that every women’s product is designed to be another way to lie to everyone in their life. From their man to their family, to their workmates and friends, right through to strangers on the street!
A man might comb and/or style his hair to make himself look neat. But a woman will die, wax, mould, burn and lacquer their hair into place, often with extra store-bought hair clipped into place and then parade around expecting people to believe that that’s what they actually look like!
The same with make up. The average advert for “foundation” basically says … “Hey ladies. Your actual skin looks like an alligator that’s sat out in the sun way too long. Cover it up completely with this!” The very same women that bitch about models being photoshopped in magazines will slather this shit over every millimetre of their face just in case someone sees their real skin.
Basically, the function of make up for these women, from foundation to blusher, eye liner, lipstick and everything in between is to cover their real face with a blank canvass of foundation and then draw on the face that they wish they had.
I’ve known women that just look fabulous because of this and they get all sorts of compliments … “You’re stunning!”, “Is that your partner? She’s really pretty!”
Well, no she’s not. She’s completely and overwhelmingly average. But she’s good at lying. All of this? Fake. She’s one wash away from hippo.
I’m really sick of woman acting all self righteous and then grabbing attention with all of this fakery. But no one ever calls them on it!
I’m not what you’d call anti-make up, but please just admit that what you’re doing when you go the whole hog with foundation etc is hiding the fact that you’re pretty unpleasant to look at without it.
MisterShouty 