Diminishing Responsibility, Part 1.
There are several examples in modern life of people putting labels on their behaviour, or taking certain actions at certain times in an attempt to remove all responsibility for the consequences of their behaviour. I’m sure you’re all nodding along in agreement and saying how annoying it is when people do that, but there are quite a few that are generally not things that I find annoy other people – it just seems to be me!
First …
“Baby On Board”
Let’s take a minute and work out what exactly this little sign that people display in the back of their car actually means, shall we? Most people that use this sign will tell you that it’s saying the following:
“There is a baby in this car. Please drive more carefully than normal.”
I have problems with this.
First, it assumes that I normally drive like a maniac who is likely to ram into any car within 20 metres of me at any given time.
Second, it assumes that I, as this maniac likely to hit them at any second, would be paying attention to signs in strangers’ cars and willing to modify my psychotic behaviour based on the fact that there’s a “baby on board” sign in the back window. Surely, if the car owner is so sure that we are all psychopaths, they should logically conclude that we wouldn’t give a shit about their kid! In fact, if I am indeed a such a psychopath, I’d probably enjoy hitting a car with kids in even more than any other vehicle! So, your stupid little sign is actually INVITING more attacks from the crazies that you’re clearly convinced are filling the roads than it’s preventing.
However, these arguments, while very valid, don’t really cover the whole issue here. There is the additional problem that, in most cases, the Baby On Board sign isn’t actually saying “We assume you drive wrecklessly, so start paying attention when you’re near me, because I have a baby in the car” at all, is it?
When I pushed such a person for a logical answer as to what their sign actually means, what they revealed is even more disturbing … and annoying.
“It means you should drive more carefully around us because, as parents with small kids, we’re very likely to be incredibly tired, stinking of urine, hating our life and massively distracted by the tortuous screaming eminating from our precious little packages in the car. Plus, as we have so many things to do in a given day, chances are we’ll be rushing to our destination and driving less carefully than you anyway!”
Well, this puts a whole new complexion on the issue, doesn’t it?
Your mildly patronizing “Baby On Board” sign just stopped being a REQUEST to drive carefully and became a WARNING that you’re a fucking menace to everyone else on the damn road. On the back of this evidence, we should all be calling for a complete ban on people driving cars while they try to supervize their offspring. I mean, for fucks sake, it’s illegal to drive whilst making a phone call – SURELY trying to control any number of wailing children whilst driving is TEN TIMES more dangerous than that.
But of course, this would never happen. We can’t say something that might offend someone who’s so special that they have managed to procreate. As you know if you’ve ever held a conversation with a parent, they are so much more important, informed and entitled than anyone else that they require nothing but adulation and special treatment.
So, I guess the sign in the window is after all the best option. Never let it be said that I’m not open to compromize.
In fact, I think it’s something I can really get behind … A sign in your car that lets everyone know that you’re exhausted, distracted and stressed is a GREAT idea! My only suggestion is that the wording be modified just a TINY bit from “Baby On Board” to “Cunt In Control”.
Agreed?
MisterShouty 