Adverts: Part 4
Yes, it’s time for another instalment on the special circle of hell that is … Adverts.
I will take a quick moment here to say that, while I hate adverts, it’s not their very existence, or their necessity to which I have an objection. Adverts are what pay for a huge amount of the content that I consume daily. From TV Stations to Podcasts to YouTube Channels, just about everyone needs to use adverts to help get their content made. This is perfectly fine. A podcast that takes 60 seconds of every episode asking you to check out audible.com doesn’t bother me one bit. Even when that same Audible advert and accompanying deal is offered in multiple podcasts as well as YouTube channels to which I subscribe.
And do you know why?
They’re no-bullshit, honest ads that get to the point and then move on. An advert is not a piece of entertainment. At least, it shouldn’t be. Just tell me what you want me to buy, tell me why you think it’s something I want, tell me the price and get back to whatever it was you interrupted! You’re trying to entertain me … in the middle of some content that was already entertaining me! Your advert’s very existence is already irritating me at this point.
Just make your sales pitch, and FUCK OFF!
Unfortunately, the majority of TV and Radio ads think that the straightforward approach is beneath them. They need an irritating jingle or a memorable mascot or some transparent pseudo-psychological trickery to fool you into wanting something that actually serves no earthly purpose nor has any real use in your life.
Whether it’s a stupid phrase or a cuddly toy being thrust at them every 7 to 12 minutes, the way that the general public is so easily manipulated is so sad and pathetic. But let’s keep focused on the annoying content rather than the public’s weak minded susceptibility to it … for now.
Apart from the transparent gimmicks, an aspect that I find particularly taxing is this belief within the advertising industry that, as long as your “thing” gets embedded into the head of your victim – I mean, customer – it doesn’t matter whether it’s in a positive or a negative manner. All publicity is good publicity, right?
This is the philosophy behind the vast array of adverts that are created only to annoy the viewer. Mind-numbingly repetitive sales pitches or jingles, shouty “characters”, well-known songs rewritten with lyrics about bleach or cat food or some such product that apparently isn’t needed, or isn’t good enough to actually sell itself.
I can’t even tell you how much I hate these adverts that rip off good songs and insert their own lyrics. Of course, the blame here has to be FIRMLY placed on the song’s writers, as they’re signing away the rights to allow this in the first place. I can KIND OF get behind an artist allowing their music to be used, UNCHANGED in an advert, but you have to be the lowest of the low, and desperate for cash, if you’re allowing some twat working for a spot ointment company to bastardise your song by changing the lyrics to say how fast the product will clear up some sweaty teen’s acne.
They really make me fucking sick.
On the subject of music, we also have this new trend of having what sounds like a 12 year old girl singing any random song, as though she’s half asleep or high on meth, while some cunt plays isolated piano notes … or even worse, a fucking ukelele … in the background. And this is supposed to have WHAT effect, exactly? Make us think that THIS PARTICULAR brand of whatever it is they’re selling is just so awesome, gentle and full of all that good hippie shit that we’ll be better people for buying it? Just … BARF.
And finally in the realm of artistic creations being ruined for the sake of a quick sale, we have poetry. Now, I’m a fan of a good poem. Especially if the poem is making a good point, a satirical or social comment, or is just fun and entertaining. What I do NOT need is a fucking poem about GRAVY. Or McDonalds!
Where do these companies get the fucking EGO to think their product worthy of POETRY!?
How can they possibly think it’s anything but offensive to add their product to the list of things that have inspired people to create, all through history?!
Love, Hate, War, Death, Beauty, Sadness … Toilet Paper!?
John F Kennedy once said:
“When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man’s concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.”
That last line again:
“When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.”
I can think of no better way to misuse or disrespect something as beautiful and powerful as poetry than using it to shill your latest flavour of dog food. Fucking philestines.
I truly view people that use this kind of offensive advertising as the scum of this earth.
Yes, all adverts will bombard us with half-truths, hyperbole and manufactured statistics. But at least most don’t consciously and purposefully shit all over something beautiful and culturally relevant, just to try and make a buck.
MisterShouty 