Deskshakers Inc.
We’re back with another tale of office-place horror.
I’ve been annoyed in the extreme recently by a new trend in my office place. People seem to have decided that, in order to look busy, they should be slamming and thudding on their desks pretty much all day.
Not so bad, you might think. What people do to their own desks is no one’s business but their own – and surely you can just throw your headphones on and zone out the noise!
After all, it’s just another layer to add to the already unbelievable DIN in the average office anyway.
Well, you’d be wrong.
You see, in my office (as in most modern open-plan workplaces), desks are actually attached in units of up to 8. In my case, 4 desks by 2 desks, with a small 2 foot divider separating the 2 columns. So, when one of these unbelievable assholes slams into, onto, or around their desk, they are actually affecting the whole unit.
And usually, MY desk is one of the 8 affected.
I could understand it if these people’s jobs were overly physical, or involved working with hardware in any real sense, but the most work with hardware that these fuckwits carry out on an average day, is when they put their laptop into it’s desktop docking station … which, naturally, is done with such force that, were I working in some place like California, I’d be running for the neareast doorway, in fear of being crushed by falling debris from the huge magnitude earthquake hitting the building.
I honestly don’t know whether this over-exaggerated slamming is for anyone’s benefit, or if they don’t even notice that they’re making other people’s desks shake every few minutes – or indeed, that I’m staring at them with such hate in my eyes that they’re in danger of having their skin seared right off of their bones. God knows, they seem pretty damn quick to forget the actual verbal requests to stop slamming about like spoiled teenager that just ran out of credit on their parent-provided mobile phone.
I’m at a loss as to what else I can do!
As an additional aside to this behaviour, I also have to endure extended periods of people sitting and/or resting on one of the desks in the unit. Again, wobbling and shaking the desk like crazy while I attempt to type. I realise that we’re not exactly replete with spare chairs in our office but seriously, can you not have a conversation with someone without resting your arse on their desk?
Man, people are fucking annoying.
What I DO know is that, every time my desk starts rocking back and forth or thrumming under my keyboard while I try to work, they get one step closer to being throttled to death in the car park one evening.
… and “Winter Is Coming”, people.
VERY SOON it’ll be dark by 6pm.
They’d better start keeping one eye in the shadows … because one day, I’ll be hiding there with some piano wire and a pair of pliers.
MisterShouty 