Boycott SeaWorld …?

•November 1, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I’ll tell you the problem I have with people that instantly yell “Boycott SeaWorld” at you whenever you mention Orlando, Florida.

It seems to me that they are completely incapable of taking in information from all angles of a story and forming their own opinion.

For those that aren’t familiar with the story in question, a Killer Whale at the SeaWorld resort in Orlando killed one of it’s handlers in 2010. The story was covered in the way you’d expect. “Shocked onlookers“, “Tragic death“, “Grieving family“, “Investigation launched” … etc

But what didn’t happen was an instant backlash from animal rights groups, cancellation of planned celebrity appearances and concerts, drops in park attendance or the appearance of this knee-jerk “boycott” response whenever the subject is broached.

What triggered these events was the 2013 release of “Blackfish” – a documentary about the treatment of Orcas in captivity.

Now, I’m not going to claim that water park resorts don’t mistreat their animals. I’m wildly uninformed and under qualified to make any such judgement. But the point I do want to make is that this is another example of the general public being so easily led, and being so naive when it comes to the authenticity of information presented to them.

“Blackfish” may be a classed as a documentary on IMDB. But that doesn’t mean that everything in it is unbiased – or even factual. It CERTAINLY doesn’t mean that the entire thing is presented to the viewer in an unemotional and honest manner, allowing them to come to their own conclusions. The movie reminds me of the dozens of 9/11 conspiracy theory videos you can pull up on YouTube. Faux journalism, unnamed “sources“, out of context images, heavily edited interviews … all presented as straight “fact“.

To me, this is a great shame because the actual argument against keeping Orcas in captivity is easily strong enough to make the point without having to create these Hollywood style arch villains, evil empires and their supposed innocent, blameless victims. While her death was tragic, surely it should be pointed out that the Orca handler in question was part of the organization that keeps the animals in captivity. Surely I’m not the only one to see that making her the victim of some fictional evil company is massively inaccurate and misleading? I wonder what she would have made of the press using her as a figurehead for it’s campaign against the company that gave her what she most likely viewed as her “dream job”, working with the animals that she loved?

Allow me to be Devil’s Advocate for a minute more.

“Blackfish” targets SeaWorld, portraying it as the villain. It fails to bring balance to it’s argument by mentioning the work that the company does every day for animal welfare both inside and outside of it’s resorts. It doesn’t bother to inform the viewer of the resort’s many animals that have been rescued from injury in the wild and rehabilitated, but now are unable to survive outside of captivity. It portrays SeaWorld as the responsible party for acts that they outright state were carried out by “organizations LIKE SeaWorld” – so, not actually SeaWorld – or at least, not as far as any empirical evidence can show.

As someone that studied several of the sciences in school and college, this reporting style strikes me as being the same as someone presenting the findings of an experiment having conveniently removed all results that do not support their predetermined outcome.

My biggest problem with the movie though, is that the majority of the finger pointing is at this one organization. This is extremely manipulative at best. Yes, the incident in question took place at SeaWorld. But many incidents like it have taken place at other resorts, including one with the very same whale – why focus so much attention on this one? Is your particular soapbox of choice against Orcas in captivity, or is it actually just against the large corporation that runs these resorts? You claim the former, but every second of your “reporting” screams the latter.

“Blackfish” takes ONE example of ONE animal being kept in captivity and tells the viewer that this is somehow different to, and worse than all of the others in zoos and parks all over the world. The main arguments for SeaWorld being this evil empire are that they capture wild Orcas, breed from them, separate the offspring from their mother and then train them to do tricks in an environment smaller than their wild habitat.

Isn’t this the very definition of almost every animal, in every park and zoo, everywhere? Isn’t this what they all have done with lions, tigers, elephants, zebras, apes, monkeys, dogs, eagles, dolphins, seals … you name it. Hell, it’s what YOU do when you buy a cat or a dog!

As I’ve mentioned, by no means is this Killer Whale the only animal responsible for the deaths of handlers in parks and zoos. Not to mention the recurring news stories of members of the public being mauled and killed by lions, gorillas and elephants in these places. But of course, they are always reported as the fault of the attacked person, aren’t they?

“Look at this idiot, climbing into the gorilla enclosure and getting his face eaten!”

Absolutely no mention there of the gorilla only being aggressive because it’s locked in a 20×20 foot cage to be gawped at by thousands of people for 15 hours every day.

Singling out this SeaWorld incident as an EXAMPLE is fine. But using it as a key piece of evidence against one specific company is just nonsense.

You either believe zoos are inhumane, or you don’t. You either agree with animals being in captivity, or you don’t. In my view, there is no tangible moral difference between keeping Orcas – generally viewed as cruel, at least until the press change the public’s mind for it – and keeping lions – generally viewed as being adorable and perfectly fine – in captivity.

None of these animals are given the living space they naturally need. All of them are paraded out for thousands to stare at all day, every day. What actual piece of logic can be employed to describe any significant difference between them?

I don’t believe for one second that SeaWorld are in any way worse than any other resort. In fact, they’re probably better than most when it comes to the welfare of their animals, as they are so often being scrutinised by investigations and independent reviews based on overblown “stories” cooked up by the press on slow news days.

The occasional legitimate story, like the death of a handler or a park visitor is usually just rattled off as another throw away report amongst the other deaths in the news on any given day. Perhaps THIS is the thing we should be getting angry about.

This has probably come across as a pro-Seaworld rant, but that’s not really the point. My issue is with the dishonesty with which this alleged documentary is filled and the general public’s unquestioning belief of everything it states. We all need to remember that, if you get your information from only one source, it is, without exception, biased.

News sources and documentaries are far more concerned with providing entertainment and shock value, generating ratings and viewing figures than actually transmitting fact. That goes for ALL news sources.

Yes, even the one you use.
Yes, ESPECIALLY ones like CNN, FOX, Sky and the BBC.

Not one of them is without an agenda. Just try to remember that when you’re getting your “facts” from them.

Posted in Consumer, Media Hype, News, People Skills
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(Can’t Believe I Had To Write A Post About) Toilet Etiquette

•August 12, 2014 • Leave a Comment

In a world full of well adjusted, well mannered and properly raised adults, the following post would not be at all necessary. However, this world is populated with filthy, disgusting, mindless, inconsiderate cunts … and the cunts that they have spawned.

So here we go with the (in a perfect world, completely unnecessary) post on Toilet Etiquette.

First and foremost, before anything else, it should be stated outright that when you use ANY toilet, there should be absolutely no evidence that you have used it left behind when you leave!

This means streaks on the seat and in the pan, floating solids, puddles of piss on the seat and the floor, and unless the circumstances are every extenuating, odours.

It really does seem amazing that anyone should have to be told these things … and yet in my workplace, the staff toilets are always a minefield of horrific proportions. It’s not just a case of trying to find a cubicle that’s free. It’s a case of finding a cubicle that’s free and hasn’t been left in such a state that you wonder how the fucking elephant got in and out unnoticed.

At some point, I got used to the fact that men’s public toilets are the foulest, most disgusting commentary on the attitude of the general public when it comes to cleanliness, especially in a room that’s not in their own home. But I used to be naive enough to think that in general, people would share my own standards when it comes to workplace toilets that they use every day, or at least a couple of times a week.

Well, how fucking wrong I was.

People are actually perfectly happy with covering the floor of these places with spit, snot and puddles of piss. In fact, I think many actually take some weird pleasure in it. I mean, how could it possibly happen so often and in so many locations otherwise? It’s not even just the floors. The walls of toilet cubicles are always streaked with something … usually (but not always) snot.

It really says something when you see a puddle on the floor of a workplace toilet and you find yourself hoping that it’s only piss! We’re far past the point of hoping it’s just water.

Do people purposely piss on the floor? I honestly don’t understand how any other circumstances could lead to SO MUCH piss everywhere.

Another thing of which I see evidence every day – and this is just more weird than anything else – is that some people clearly like to sit in the cubicle and make a nice little stockpile of toilet paper at the side of the toilet. Are they bored and in an attempt to pass time, start absently spooling the paper off the roll until they’re done? Are they attempting to make some kind of toilet nest? Are they worried that they’re going to miss the toilet completely and do this to catch their uncontrollable waste?

None of these things make sense to me. No, they just empty the roll for no apparent reason, use a few pieces, and then leave the rest in a pile on the floor for someone else to clear up.

What the fuck is up with that!?

Where I work, the site facilities have had to actually place posters inside all of the cubicles in addition to the usual “Now Wash Your Hands” ones – another thing that really shouldn’t be necessary – and these posters are reminders that:

“It is not the responsibility of the next user to flush the toilet for you!”

Seriously? We have to “remind” these alleged intelligent, highly skilled engineers that they should flush the toilet after use? What the fuck? Do these people have the mental age of a fucking 5 year old? What am I saying? Most 5 year olds know that they have to flush the damn toilet after they use it.

These people are quite simply unthinking, inconsiderate cunts. They don’t need gentle reminders or discrete lessons on how to use a toilet. What they need is to have this foul behaviour beaten out of them like you would when taming any other feral animal.

I’ve got a feeling that this rant was only part 1 … D:

Posted in General Misery, Office, People Skills

Mini Rant: Meeting Request! (Part II)

•August 11, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Incompetent meeting requesters. There are certain repeat offenders in this category; people who either don’t know how to create a meeting request, or are so unbelievably dim that they simply can’t ever do it right the first time.

I’m talking about the idiots that clog up my work inbox by sending a meeting request, followed immediately by two, three, sometimes four updates changing time, date, location, participants, the lot!

Is it not common courtesy to make sure that you don’t spam people like this? Am I, ONCE AGAIN, the only person on the fucking planet that takes even a SECOND to think about other people, and how to minimize how much I might annoy them with my actions on a daily basis?

If you’re so completely incompetent that you can’t create a meeting request correctly the first time, do us all a favour and draft it first, then double check it before you send it. All of us already have to put up with far too much shit in our email. Can you PLEASE just make a TINY effort to stop contributing to this inane bullshit through which we are all forced to sift every fucking day?

… and while I’m on the subject, don’t come to me with a face on, asking snarkily “are you going to join this meeting or what?” when you haven’t even fucking bothered to invite me … or indeed bothered to check that I’ve been invited before your little tirade takes place? I take GREAT pleasure in allowing you to have your little shout, then responding with “What meeting?”

Yeah, funnily enough, your boring, shitty fucking meeting on a subject in which I have absolutely no interest, is NOT the top of my list of priorities. Dial your ego down a notch, and take some of that bass out of your voice before you come storming up to my desk in the future, you self important prick, or by the time you walk away, you just might find yourself nursing a mouthful of broken teeth.

Posted in General Misery, Office, People Skills

Aroma – Therapy

•June 23, 2014 • Leave a Comment

A recent change in desk location in my office has sparked new life into one of the daily annoyances of office life. This was the third relocation I’ve had to endure over the last 2 or 3 months, and the 2nd of those locations was just about perfect.

I had my own office, with actual walls to shield me from all of the annoying people around me. But most of all, I was shielded from the vast array of weird and disgusting smells that waft thorough the office every few minutes. From the cigarette stench on people walking back in from the smoking hut just outside to the horrible, acrid stink of my female coworkers that seemingly bathe in gallons of perfume every morning before bringing the stink to work.

As you may have gathered, following the latest of my relocations, I’m right back in the centre of aroma alley.

The thing with odours is that you can’t just block them out like you can with noise. You can’t wedge in some kind of nostril plugs and just allow people to go about their stinking day all around you. It’s just unpleasant and unnecessary.

In addition to the onslaught of women’s perfume, the general office stink routinely consists of other people’s food – most often being highly aromatic curry. I have no issue with curry as a dish. But what I do object to is people stopping work for an hour and having a full fucking hot meal at their desk. And when that meal is a supremely strong smelling curry, it only makes the whole situation even less bearable. I swear, some people are one step away from installing a fucking stove at their desk and whipping up an entire 3 course meal at 12 every day.

You’re not normal!
Eat a sandwich at your desk or fuck off to the canteen!

The guy behind me in my new location is exceptionally guilty of this nose pollution. He is a smoker, and brings the smell of tobacco to my desk. It’s not even the normal horrible smokey smell either. He has a really rich, strong aroma of loose tobacco that smells sweet and fruity as well as the usual smoke smell. To make it worse, when returning from his trips outside to smoke, that’s only when it’s at it’s strongest. He smells of this shit ALL THE TIME.

Seriously, I don’t want to come across as a miserable asshole EVERY day of my life, but doesn’t ANYONE see that this behaviour is unreasonable?

Posted in General Misery, Office, People Skills
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Undiagnosed Tourettes

•June 23, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Have you ever noticed that some people seem to have a special version of Tourette’s Syndrome?

I’m not talking about people that have verbal and/or facial ticks, or people that swear in every sentence that comes out of their mouth. I’m talking about people that just can’t help themselves endlessly spouting the same clichéd bullshit over and over in certain everyday situations.

Maybe it’s yet another example of my total antisocial demeanour, but I am perfectly happy with a lack of conversation when in the presence of others. But for some, that scenario seems to be the very definition of hell! They just don’t know what it is to sit in silence.

Your average taxi driver is very much guilty of this. Just ONCE I’d like to get into a cab and only have to converse in order to communicate my desired destination and then to hear how much to pay when I get there. This goes for almost every social situation, whether it involves a stranger or a friend:

If there’s nothing worth saying, shut the fuck up!

I don’t want to discuss the day’s events so far or the success and/or failure of a local/national sports team. I don’t want to hear about some news story detailing the death of either one celebrity or a dozens/hundreds/thousands of “normal” people. This only serves to compound my annoyance by also having to endure the agenda-based skew that is put on the news by the sources these people unquestioningly believe.

The overuse of clichés and stupid expressions, unnecessary questions and inquiries about how I am, how the weather has been, where I am going, what I’ve been doing … they’re all just noise that invades my already noisy day. I’m perfectly happy to engage in an interesting conversation with anyone, on just about any subject you can name, but all too often these conversations are the very definition of idle chatter and to me, that is way more offensive than the silence you’re attempting to fill.

One more time. If you have nothing worth saying, shut the fuck up!

Posted in General Misery, Office, People Skills
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Unnecessary Noise (Part 1)

•June 23, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Given the incredible amount of unwanted noise in the world, it always irritates me when people go out of their way to make otherwise quiet activities unnecessarily loud.

I’ve spoken at length on this blog about office workers having shouty meetings and leaving their desk and mobile phones ringing out for minutes at a time, but this post is more about those activites that really have no need for the ridiculous amount of noise that people generate.

The one that annoys me the most, I’d have to say is the unbelievable racket made by baristas in coffee shops. Whether your preference is Starbucks, Costa or the little independant one down the street, the ear-splitting crashing and smashing is just completely uncalled for.

I don’t have any issue at all with the coffee grinder making it’s noise, or the milk frother chugging along in the background as I enjoy my beverage. But what I find intolerable is the way that the baristas handle the cups and plates – crashing them together, throwing them from one place to another, stacking them noisily on the counter and rattling them about while being moved from tables back to behind the counter to be washed.

These coffee shops are already prone to the amplification of loud noises, as they are generally uncarpeted, large rooms with high ceilings. Even small noises echo about the room. I just wish that the people working in them would make some effort to make the environment less of an assault on the ears and more of a pleasant place to enjoy your drink.

This leads me onto the next annoying noise. The general public in restaurants. I remember not so long ago, people in general would make an effort to keep their voices lowered in restaurants. Further to that, people would also exhibit some ability – or even just some attempt – to control their unruly, feral offspring. Not so any more.

No matter what kind of restaurant I attend these days, no matter what the price I’m paying (within reason), I am always bombarded with the kind of screeching and yelling I used to associate with a pub during football matches.

Now, I’m not against people having fun – or going out and chatting with friends over a meal. That’s exactly what I’m attempting to do. But I can’t. Because my friends and I can’t hear each other talk over the (literally) screaming children and their oblivioius parents shouting across 12 inches of table to each other. And Christ, if you enter a restaurant to find a table reserved for a party of any kind, you may as well just walk right back out again. Chances are it’ll be a kids brithday or a hen night, and in either case you’re in for nothing but aural agony.

It seems that every time I come to sum up my posts here, I end up trying to find a different way of saying that I find it extrememly upsetting that the general public don’t have any consideration for others any more. It is again the case with this scenario. If people would just take a moment to consider how their actions are affecting those around them, the world would be a much better place.

Let me put it this way. Please, as the undisputed King of the Internets Wil Wheaton, very often says … Don’t Be A Dick.

Posted in General Misery, Office, People Skills
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Sick Of The Sick

•June 5, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Today’s mini-rant is based around another irritation of office life.

There is no doubt in my mind that there are workplaces with more annoyances than an office. For example, ANY job that involes any kind of interaction with members of the general public. I can’t begin to imagine how an intelligent person could remain sane behind the counter of a shop or fast food establishment … or driving a bus or taxi … or answering phones in a call centre.

Luckily, the people in those jobs are morons, so they probably don’t notice the spirit crushing, mundane horror that is their working environment. Therefore, we still have it worse than them.

But I digress.

So far today – it’s barely past 10am – I have heard no fewer than 5 different people having full blown coughing fits, blowing their disgusting germ-ridden mucous into their handkerchief (before returning it to their pocket – how is THAT normal?) and generally making noises you’d mostly associate with a quarantined hospital ward for patients in the end stages of cholera.

Now, I’m not ranting about the noise (this time). My point today is that these people SHOULD NOT BE AT WORK.

I can’t state this strongly enough.
If you’re sick, stay at home.

There seems to be this belief amongst office workers that there is something ultimately heroic and to be respected about people that continue to work with infectious illnesses. That’s complete bullshit.

First off, you’re impressing no one by coming to the office despite your illness. MAYBE your boss will notice that you’re choking and threatening to vomit every few minutes, if only to think “Oh, one of my dime-a-dozen minions is dying. Where’s that stack of CVs I keep for times like this?”

Second, you are not indispensible. The company will not fall apart without you for a few days while you cough on family members rather than your colleagues. You may think it will, but you’re wrong. Although you massive ego probably won’t allow you to see that.

Finally, you won’t even get recognition or any kind reward for working through sickness, whether it’s the common cold or fucking lupus (not that it ever is) and if you think otherwise, you’re severely deluded.

Again, if you’re sick, stay at home.

When you bring your infected phlegm to the office, all you’re doing is passing it on to everyone else. Every office comes equipped with air conditioning. So, every infected breath you release into the air is grabbed and circulated throughout the entire building. I realize that this happens all the time anyway, before people are symptomatic and so don’t realize they’re infected. But the least you should do is just make an effort to keep it to yourself once you DO know that you’re ill!

It’s not only the air conditioning that’s the issue anymore either. In these money saving times, most companies now have “Hot Desk” policies where employees are no longer fixed to the same desk every day. So, your infected breath and germy hands get spread across several desks, all of which are used by others once you’ve moved.

Plus, good old Health & Safety Law insists that desks have fixed monitors and a separate keyboard and mouse so that people aren’t having to slouch over a laptop all day. Not forgetting the network phones that you just log into every day, routing the calls to your temporary desk. That means that your infected breath and germy hands spend all day spreading whatever nasty contagion it is that you’re carring all over a keyboard, mouse and telephone handset that someone else will be using the next day! And do you wipe everything down before you leave? Hell no.

This is NOT the way any company wants it’s employees to behave.

So, one more time – and really concentrate this time:

If you’re sick – PLEASE – STAY AT HOME!

You’re not wanted or needed, and you just hinder your company more by making others just as sick as you.

Posted in General Misery, Office, People Skills
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Don’t Be A Dick In The Office

•June 4, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Long-time readers of this blog will know that I, for my sins, work in an office. I have ranted on this subject once or twice. In this post, I’m going to be using my hate of many of my co-workers to produce part two of my Guide To Non-Dickdom.

Again, 7 ways that you can reduce your dickness and annoy the people around you a little bit less every day.

You’re Welcome.

1. Phone Calls.

I’ve touched on part of this before. If your mobile phone is not set to silent, for God’s sake, stop leaving it on your desk when you wonder off for a meeting or a shit. It’s really a huge dick move and it makes everyone hate you.

Also, if you’re calling someone’s desk phone and don’t get an answer within 5 rings, it’s pretty clear that they’re not there. Don’t just let it ring for minutes at a time – and don’t call back immediately when it times out. When you do this, people around the desk you’re calling simply turn the phone’s ringer off. So really, your call is more likely to be missed!

And finally in this part, if you’re on a conference call, and someone near you is dialled in as well, you REALLY should NOT have the call on loudspeaker. When people do this – and believe me, it happens a lot – it becomes simply impossible to work anywhere near them.

2. Meeting Prolonging; or The Columbo Effect.

I hate meetings – as you may know. But what I hate more than the meetings themselves are the dicks that purposely ask stupid question after stupid question when meetings are close to finished. This “Columboing” of meetings – insisting on bringing up ‘one more thing’ over and over again, just when you think the damn meeting is finally over can extend these hellish meetings for up to an hour, seemingly with the only goal being the wasting of time, so when they do finally get back to their desk, there’s less time left before they can go home.

This is NOT acceptible. There are 100 ways to waste time in an office. Why don’t you fill out one of the 50 current required surveys on the company’s intranet, go hide in a toilet cubicle and catch up on your Twitter feed, or – God Forbid – do some fucking work?

All of this can be done without ruining MY day in the process.

3. Re-Lenders.

The amount of time I spend chasing pieces of equipment and tools that people have borrowed from me is ridiculous. But not because I don’t know who I lent stuff to. It’s because people seem to think that, once they have MY tool in their hands (… um, giggity?), they can then pass it on to anyone that asks without letting me know. And of course, the next person passes it on again … etc, etc.

Before anyone knows what’s going on, the tool is 6 people down the line and I have to spend a whole day tracking it down just so I can do a simple job. At the very least, you should just let the actual owner of the equipment know if you pass it on to someone else … or you will end up being refused when you ask, as people will see you as the dick that loses stuff.

4. Noise Spikes

A phenomenon with which I’m sure that anyone that works in an open office is familiar, this is when out of the usual irritating drone of background noise, suddenly the office becomes incredibly loud as several groups in rival meetings, discussions and phone calls start talking louder and louder to be heard over everyone else.

This tactic DOES NOT WORK. All that you achieve by competing for maximum volume like this is that you annoy everyone around you, and make people like me want to punch you in the throat.

When this phenomenon starts to happen, do us all a favour and make a TINY effort to continue speaking like a normal person rather than an overstimulated Dalek. And remember, it’s only the fact that you are joining in with the shouting that makes everyone else go up another 5 decibels.

Sidebar: So many of these “anti-dick” points I’m making could be avoided by simply being considerate to those around you. God, I hate people.

5. Email Chasers & Racers

In this matter, there are two types of people in the office. Normal people. And cunts.

Distilled to one sentence, if you send me an email and arrive at my desk before IT arrives in my inbox, asking “have you seen my email”, you deserve nothing but a slow painful death.

Overreaction?

No. This is an INTENSELY annoying activity carried out by a surprising percentage of people I’ve had to work with. What these people need to realize is that:

a) I’m not your bitch. I have anything up to 20 things to address at any given time – and NOTHING gets literally IMMEDIATE attention.

b) Your thing is no more important or urgent than those 20 other things I have on my To-Do List for the day.

c) Arriving at my desk to tell me to read the email you just sent will only annoy me – and make me put your thing to the bottom of my To-Do List for the day.

6. IM Assholes

Most workplaces have internal IM (Instant Messaging) systems, and these are incredibly useful when it comes to getting a quick answer to a simple question. It removes the need to wait until people are out of meetings in order to talk directly to them, or for them to answer their phone.

They are incredibly useful that is, until you get people that act like complete dicks by logging out of IM as soon as you message them!

Seriously, if you’re busy, just tell me you’re busy. Don’t sit there displaying that you’re available if you’re just going to go offline when someone tries to contact you. You’re just making yourself look bad.

… and finally, Esther:

7. EPLS … or Elaborate Packed Lunch Syndrome

Every day, more and more people start bringing bigger, more elaborate lunches to work. In principle, I have no issue with this … assuming that they don’t fill the entire office with the stench of whatever it is they are eating!

The way this is SUPPOSED to work is that you heat up your food in one of the microwaves provided, then fuck off to the canteen and eat it there.

But this IS NOT the way people do it. They unpack their 3 or 4 tupperware containers, each filled with a smellier concoction than the last, take it all over to the kitchen area to heat them up – taking a good 20 minutes, by the way – thereby extending their lunch break way beyond that of us normal people with our sandwiches – then bring the whole thing back to their desk, plate up and tuck in like they’re at their own kitchen table.

“How bad can it possibly be?” I expect you’re thinking. The answer is EXTREMELY bad. You know when that one guy you know brings egg salad or tuna sandwiches to the office? That’s pretty nasty, right? Now imagine that it’s not tuna, it’s smoked mackerel. It’s not on a sandwich, it’s fillets of smoked mackerel on a plate, heated up to intensify the smell, smothered in dressing and then set next to a vinaigrette-soaked salad. That is precisely a description of just ONE example of what I’ve had to put up with in the past.

Now, add to that another guy with a full home-cooked curry. Complete with garlic naan and onion bhajis.

People do this. Complete cooked meals at their desk, in the middle of an office of 100 people for which they seemingly have absolutely no consideration.

DICKS!

To sign off, I’ll reiterate what I said at the end of Part 1 of this guide to non-dickdom.
Please. You know who you are. Take this advice and stop annoying those around you. I fully accept that you probably don’t do it on purpose, but you are making life more and more unbearable for those around you on a daily basis.

Just take a second and think of others every now and then. You might well find that you’re part of the problem.

Posted in General Misery, Office, People Skills, Web
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Bring Back Natural Selection!

•March 26, 2014 • 1 Comment

I don’t want to be controversial for the sake of being controversial, but this is going to be a rant that some might find a little more objectionable than normal … mainly because it’s less based in humour and I’m actually trying to express an opinion I really hold.

Let’s see how this goes!

Natural Selection is a great thing. Part of the expanded theory of evolution, it describes how nature itself works to eliminate the weak, sick and useless elements of a species, allowing the strong, healthy and contributory to thrive.

It is natural selection that led to humans having opposable thumbs, giraffes having long necks, woodpeckers having long beaks, aye-ayes having that one weird long finger …

Natural selection isn’t something that some scientist invented and is now there to be “believed in” or not. Much like Evolution, it is simply a name that has been given to an observed set of facts that are known to be true. This is NOT what I’m arguing about today – but felt it should be said, in case you were assuming the previous facts were actually opinion. No. They are facts. Facts that I shouldn’t need to justify here, as they are so WIDELY accepted as facts everywhere apart from in the minds of idiots.

Moving on.

We, the human race, have been subject to Natural Selection for millennia, much the same as all other life on the planet. But right now, it seems that everyone with any power at all in the world is trying their hardest to halt, hinder and prevent natural selection from taking place in humans. This seems incredibly stupid to me.

Particularly in the developed western world, it seems we are obsessed with cultivating the poor, the weak, the useless, the sick – to the point that they are a crippling drain on the economies of our countries. Whether it’s within our own borders or directed at developing countries, we continually pump money into activities which only serve to prolong the lives of, and by extension promote the reproduction of, people that do nothing but drain our resources.

Take the disease-ridden mess that is rural Africa. Exactly how much are we helping the situation by sending out aid in a dozen different forms every couple of years, saving thousands … only to end up with thousands more starving, stupid and AIDS/Malaria sufferers to help next time? There has never been a time in the world’s history where real poverty and widespread disease has been at such a level in isolated countries. The developed world is actually cultivating poverty and breeding disease by maintaining this steady flow of money that keeps people just about surviving. In times gone by, the problems would solve themselves. The poor and diseased would simply die out until natural selection ensured that the healthy and intelligent were the majority. I know it sounds harsh, but the only real way to help these countries is to let their weak, helpless and useless die.

Closer to home, governments also spend a massive amount of money and resource on subsidizing the stupid and the lazy. Again, these elements of society, either by choice or by ability, would not support themselves in a way that would allow them to reproduce and thrive. They would have to alter their behaviour or die out – IF they were left to their own devices. But no. We throw money at them, we pay for everything they could possibly want. We allow them to believe that living work-free, responsibility-free and relying wholly on the tax payers to provide their home, food, health care – and everything else from their satellite TV to the nappies their offspring shit in – is a perfectly acceptable way to live.

Well, it isn’t.

The only way forward and out of this destructive cycle is for the intelligent and contributory elements of society – on a national and international scale – to realize that if they pulled back and made others fend for themselves, yes, many would die out. But over time, we would end up with a more highly evolved, better human race with fewer elements of society dragging us down.

If we keep on like this, the stupid, poor, unhealthy, lazy masses will end up outnumbering us to a huge extent, and some member of the animal kingdom, for whom natural selection is NOT being sabotaged will end up rising to take over!

Planet Of The Apes, people!
It could happen!

Posted in General Misery, People Skills
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