Scent Of A Woman

•July 7, 2010 • 1 Comment

It’s something that almost every man on the planet has to endure … yet we say nothing. Terrified of the wrath of WOMAN.

Well, someone has to say it.

Why on earth do so many ladies out there feel it’s necessary to walk about in a choking mist of acrid perfume stench? Do you really smell that bad? One or two squirts of some of these brands are enough to render your entire house a chemical warzone for hours – and you seem to be using an amount that suggests you’re attempting to cover the odour of some small animal’s corpse slowly decomposing in your handbag! What are these women doing? Filling their bath up to the top and then just flailing about in there for an hour?

Here’s a tip – if people can smell you before they can see you in any situation at all … whether it’s as you’re approaching their desk in the office, moving between rooms in your home or walking your dog in the park … you’re using TOO MUCH!

Cosmetics companies, for years, have been telling women that men are driven wild with desire for women that are covered in this nasty stuff! It’s a load of rubbish. A little bit of perfume here and there isn’t a bad thing, but believe me when I say that we would much rather experience a less bottled odour! In fact, basic biology will tell you that the natural odours in a woman’s pheromones are one of the biggest attractions for men. So, why do you try so hard to cover them up?

Quite apart from that, it has to be said that 99% of the perfumes out there smell just fucking awful! They are harsh and clogging! They sear your eyeballs and nostrils and practically burn a hole into your throat. Yet women seem to LOVE them! Perfumes are supposed to be based on the sweet smells of flowers. Well, when was the last time you smelled a flower and CHOKED?

These companies nurture women’s insecurities, making them believe that they give off some offensive odour from the second they exit the shower – and then tell them that they need to mask that odour with their own special brand of stink.

And to top it all off, they charge a ridiculous amount of money for the privelage!

Ladies, wake up! You’re being manipulated in a most cynical way – and all you’re getting out of it is a tendency to make all of the men in your life think “Jesus … Hold your breath, here she comes!” whenever you’re near.

Posted in Consumer, General Misery, People Skills
Tags:

3D … Let The Hate Flow Through You.

•July 2, 2010 • 1 Comment

There are several reasons why I hate 3D.

First, it is NOT new. Even this kind of 3D that’s in full colour and is being pedalled out by the movie companies as the next big thing – is not new. It has been in use in many places for over a decade. Most notably in the rides at Universal Studios, Florida. But it has been decreed by the TV and movie Gods that we shall all go 3D crazy by the start of 2011.

Well, to my mind, this is just another chance for them to screw money out of us once again. It’s so blatant, I can’t believe so many people are falling for it. Just a couple of years after thrusting HD on us, forcing us to purchase brand new, extremely expensive TV’s and Bluray players, not to mention “upgrading” our back catalogues of DVD’s … which, by the way, had only been upgraded to DVD a few short years before that, we are now going to be subjected to the same bullshit when it comes to selling yet another new format to us. And what do you know – this new format will require us to buy new TV’s, upgrade our old hat Bluray copies of Star Wars and Terminator so we can, once again, “experience them like never before” – complete with brand new bonus features available exclusively on the new releases, naturally.

Does it not occur to anyone that 3D could have been introduced alongside HD and only required us to spend the cash ONCE to upgrade our systems and movie collections?

Well, I’m damn sure it occurred to the makers of the TV’s, the players and the studios that produce the disks! They must all be planning holidays in the fucking Bahamas based on projected 3D TV sales for Christmas 2010! Ha – what am I saying? They’ve only just gotten back from their holidays courtesy of the HD TV sales of 2009!

I told my friends at the time, when HD TV’s and Bluray disks were getting huge, don’t spend your cash on all of this crap. It’s just another step on the way to something else that they’re not yet telling us about. But no-one listened! This would be it! Out they went to buy their massive TV’s … Well, what are you going to do now? Give it a couple more months and the one thousand pounds worth of TV on your living room wall will be worth fuck all and you’ll be told once again that to REALLY see your favourite movies come to life, you just HAVE to get them in 3D.

Well, I gave in to Bluray. I ignored my own advice and bought the TV and player. But I refused to replace anything I had already bought on DVD. This time round, they can keep their new, amazing TV too.

The fact of the matter is that behind all of this 3D hype is just one massive gimmick. High definition was a clear improvement on what preceeded it. It gave us sharp images on television screens up to 100 inches. So far, all I have been shown by this “amazing new” 3D technology is that they can make it look like crap is flying out of the screen at me … and I’m not even slightly impressed. Actually, I find it quite annoying. Call me old fashioned, but I still believe that the most important thing in a movie is plot, not a flying fucking monkey.

To think that there is some arsehole in California right now, pissing about with great movies like The Godfather, Terminator 2 and countless other classics, looking for places where this nasty 3D gimmick can be crow-barred in, makes me want to weep. But the bastardization of the classics is nothing compared to the awful new stuff being churned out that does nothing but ram this gimmick down our throats.

The 3D revolution is giving carte blanche to movie makers – especially animated and horror movies – to produce awful, plotless abortions of movies that they’ve filled with these stupid, annoying 3D effects instead of actually making an effort to create something worthwhile. Every one of these movies is just a vehicle for these “new” techniques, with scene after scene of new and not-so-creative reasons being thought up of why people, animals and objects might be flying about the screen in order to justify the expense of using the 3D techniques and the piling of extra charges onto the cinema ticket prices.

It all puts me in mind of those early Wii games that were essentially made just to demonstrate what the system was capable of doing … but eventually people lost all interest in. As is proven by the many millions of Wii consoles that now sit, untouched from one month’s end to the next, behind people’s new X-Boxes all around the world.

I firmly believe that 3D will go the same way.

Maybe it’ll stick around in kid’s movies, but for anyone past the mental age where a set of keys jangling in front of their face is all the entertainment they need, I sincerely hope that this 3D novelty will be outgrown, and fast.

Posted in Consumer, General Misery

Cool To Be Addicted

•July 1, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I have a real problem with the whole idea of treating celebrities that have “overcome their addictions” or “fought their demons” as though they’re something special. Why does society view these people as heroes? Why does no one ever come out with what we’re all thinking?

That they are weak and flawed people in the first place if they allowed themselves to become addicted.

This simpering attitude that the media takes makes it even easier for the scores of celebrities that adourn the covers of the shitty magazines that fill the shelves of every supermarket and newsagent in the country to keep themselves in the public eye and keep themselves in cash by constantly selling their tear-jerking stories of just how awful their millionnaire’s lives are. A visit to The Priory is a badge a honour to these people.

These are the people that our nation’s children see as role models.
The message being given, over and over again, is that the best way to gain popularity and respect is to “Take as many drugs as you can, kids!”

At some point in their life, just about everyone is presented with the opportunity to take drugs. Some refuse them, some use them casually and some form a habit. I’m not here to preach that all drug use is wrong. But I do feel the need to ask whether it makes any sense that those that DID take them and then allowed them to practically destroy their lives before giving them up, are somehow viewed as better than those that did not.

I’ve spoken about this to people before and I always seem to get the same response … that these people are under great stress and pressure and that they eventually just break and turn to substance abuse to make all of their worries disappear for a few hours at a time.

Well, there’s 2 major flaws in that argument.

First, EVERYONE has stress and pressure in their life. I’ve known people with next to no responsibilities that, in response to the smallest amount of stress have just melted down! On the other hand, I have friends that are under massive pressure in high-paid corporate positions that cope just fine.

Second, the argument falls for the fairly blatant lie that people only use drugs to free themselves of some inner turmoil that is being thrust upon them. That’s nonsense. What you NEVER hear from these people is the simple truth that they use drugs because they want to get high. Regardless of how much stress they’re under, people take drugs because (a) They’re available and (b) They make you feel good.

And, to compound the problem, they are constantly being told that it’s not their fault! That they have a genetic predisposition toward addiction. Their upbringing has left them more vulnerable to drug addiction …

Don’t try that put-upon bullshit with me.

What possible good can it do for these people to tell them that they’re not in control of their own actions? You don’t hear this twisted pseudo-psychology applied to murderers …

“Don’t feel bad. You have a genetic predisposition toward strangling cheerleaders!”

No! People should be held accountable for their behaviour.

You and you alone are responsible for your actions.

Society always takes the view that the drug itself is some evil entity that has attacked the poor, innocent addict. The drug is an inanimate object! The person wasn’t snared by some malevolent cloud of powder and forced to inhale! They made the conscious decision to take the drug!

If a person chooses to regularly break any other law, they aren’t praised for eventually stopping! OK, they are generally told that stopping the law-breaking is an improvement, but they’re not elevated to some special position where they’re viewed as better than those that didn’t break that law in the first place.

Those that allow themselves to become addicted to these substances do deserve our sympathy and our help. But I refuse to treat them as heroes for breaking a habit they inflicted upon themselves.

Posted in General Misery, Media Hype

Smokers

•July 1, 2010 • Leave a Comment

People love to complain about smokers. And deservedly so. But people never seem to hit upon the same reasons as me when it comes to their dislike of this foul breed of human.

Yes, they smell. They don’t usually know they smell and refuse to believe that they do … but I think it’s pretty well established that if you smoke, you stink. It can’t be avoided!

This isn’t what gets to me.

Yes, they’re blowing out used cigarette smoke into the air – contaminating the air that you’re breathing, increasing your chances of all sorts of illnesses and diseases. Again, it’s well documented so I need not go into it here.

Obviously, that’s annoying, but still isn’t my biggest problem.

The things that really get to me about smokers are pretty much ignored or simply accepted my most people.

Isn’t it incredibly annoying that smokers just LOVE to sit in the no smoking areas of restaurants?

You don’t see this in the UK any more, as smoking has been banned in restaurants anyway, but it still happens all over the world, every day. They’re fully admitting that it’s unpleasant to be near people that smoke! What kind of weirdness is going on in their heads at this point?

“Ew, smokers. They’re disgusting. I want to sit in the no smoking section. But first, I think I’ll have a fag!”

… and of course, they then come back to the no smoking section in a cloud of cigarette smoke and nicotine stench for all of the non-smokers to enjoy. Now, THAT is annoying!

Sit with your own kind, you freaks!

But the one thing that really irritates me is that it seems to have been accepted that smokers are perfectly within their rights to sling the rubbish generated by their habit wherever they want!

Bits of clear plastic from the outside of the packet – Chucked on the ground.
The empty packets themselves – Chucked on the ground.
Ash from the cigarettes as they’re being smoked – flicked anywhere and everywhere.
And of course, cigarette ends.

Millions of them every day dropped to the floor at bus stops, outside office blocks and anywhere else they may be when they run out of carcinogens to suck down.

How has this seeped past the public’s consciousness?
Why does no one say anything?

Any other bit of rubbish people drop in the street, you’re well within your rights to ask them to put it in the nearest bin rather than leave it on the ground. But not the precious smokers! No! Nothing’s ever said!

What, are we protecting their feelings? Do we feel sorry for them with their addiction? … their voluntarily chosen addiction?

Fuck that.

They’re anti-social and need punching in the face. It’s not like they’ll be able to fight back – all of the tar clogging up their lungs and the lack of oxygen in their system renders them as weak as kittens!

The revolution starts here!

Posted in General Misery, People Skills

Mobile Phone Insurance

•June 23, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Mobile phone insurance is one of the biggest scams ever exacted upon the general public.

We are told over and over again by providers, in-store staff and the endless cold-calling third parties that we just don’t know what may happen … we could end up PHONELESS and stranded! We could lose HUNDREDS of pounds to contracts that we’re bound to if something should happen to our handsets!

Well, this it true.

But that doesn’t mean that mobile phone insurance isn’t BULLSHIT.

If you want to insure your handset, take some sincere advice and do it through a third party of your own choosing or pay for the full coverage from your provider. Do NOT accept the “cheap” basic insurance offers from providers, stores or third parties at ANY cost. You will be paying over the odds for a service that is just about useless. And if you find one that you think is ok, read the small print. It will very likely be concealing a shedload of ways that they’re trying to screw you.

These companies will sell you an iPhone and then sell you insurance for £8 per month that they KNOW doesn’t even cover iPhones … the same is common for BlackBerry handsets.

You should also be wary of calls from people claiming to be the company from which you have bought the insurance. There are companies that make money solely from getting hold of lists of newly issued mobile numbers and cold-calling them offering “additional savings” on their insurance plan. They are the true scum of the phone insurance world.

Phone insurance is a big slice of revenue for a huge number of comapnies like these. They thrive on the fact that, in 99% of cases, people never have to use their insurance policies and so never realize they have been ripped off. They take your money, knowing that claims that are defined as valid in the contract you didn’t read are incredibly rare.

Consider what could possibly happen to your handset.

  • You could drop it in a puddle.
  • You could put it down on your table at a restaurant and then find it’s been stolen.
  • You could leave it in your car and it could get stolen.
  • You could simply lose it while you’re out on the town.
  • Or it could be taken from your house when some pikey bastard breaks in.

If you think that any of these scenarios would be covered by this basic insurance, you’re sorely mistaken.

Water Damage? … Nope. Not covered.
Theft? … You left it WHERE?? Nope. Not covered.
You LOST it? … Well, clearly you’re admitting culpability there, so … Nope. Not covered.
And burglary? … That sounds like a job for your home contents insurance, not us!

In fact in some cases, every one of these scenarios is excluded from the policy with a blanket statement requiring the user to “take reasonable care” of their handset (whatever that means).

So, for what exactly are you paying that £8 a month?

In all honesty, I wouldn’t even entertain buying a policy from any of these companies – including the “legitimate” ones that sold you the phone in the first place. If you’re seriously not capable of carrying your phone around without dropping it down the toilet, leaving it in random places or God knows what else, I don’t think phone insurance should be your biggest concern!

Posted in Consumer, General Misery, Web

Hallmark Hookers

•June 20, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I wish I could take credit for the phrase that is the title of this blog. In fact, it’s lifted directly from an episode of Senfeld:

Seinfeld, 6×03: The Pledge Drive

“There’s something very insincere about these greeting cards we send back and forth to each other all the time. They’re like these little one-dollar folded paper emotional prostitutes, isn’t it? “I don’t know what my feelings are, so I’ll just pay some total stranger a buck to make up this little Hallmark hooker to do the job for me. So I can go, ‘Yeah, I didn’t write this, but whatever they wrote, I think the same thing.'”

Today is Father’s Day and, while I don’t have a particular issue with the concept of having a special day for members of your family, I really hate the way we are expected, if not forced to go out and pay £5 (if we’re lucky) for these horrible little greetings cards on what seems to be an increasing number of times per year.

Back in the good old days, you only bought these cards for Christmas and Birthdays. Occasionally an anniversary, but only if you were passing the shelf in the store where the small selection of cards were available and were conscious enough to remember the day was near. But now, these “Hallmark Hookers” are available for every imaginable day, event and non-event of the calender.

Are we, as a race, so incapable of expressing true feelings and good wishes to each other that we need to have some randomly generated verse of generic shite written for us and printed onto a piece of card with a picture damn bunny rabbit?

I had the misfortune of having to visit a store this weekend that is dedicated 100% to selling these things and it really hit me that they are completely unnecessary – yet we are told that we MUST buy them. It’s the DONE thing. And who makes up these rules? Why, it’s the very people that are trying to squeeze more cash out of you in these horrible little stores. The very people that seem to have a gift for coming up with new sickly and contrived reasons for buying more and more of them every year.

I saw cards for people to buy their fucking PETS at the store yesterday. What The Fuck? And the amazing thing is that there are actually people gullible enough to buy them!

Also, exactly how is it believed to be a good idea to buy a greeting card to tell someone you’re sorry their relation is dead? How is that ANYTHING but SICK? But, it’s “the done thing” and people simply don’t question it!

“Sorry your wife is dead. Here’s a picture of a flower and a bible verse. Feel better!
Why not put it up on the wall or on the shelf above your TV as a grim reminder that someone you loved has snuffed it!”

It couldn’t be more thoughtless or insincere if it tried.

And it’s not just family events you have to put up with any more – it seems not a week goes by that someone else in the office is having a birthday, a baby, a wedding, a “last session with my shrink” day or some such bollocks … and every time we have to put our name to one of these paper prostitues in an effort to not seem like a miserable twat.

Well, no more!

You can take my £5 and put it toward a gift, even if that gift ends up being a stupid little teddy bear – I don’t care. At least a LITTLE thought will go into that. But sign your card? Put my seal of approval on the disgustingly shameless industry that is the Greeting Card? Hell No.

It’s time to take a stand!
Not one more Cardboard Whore will get my money. I’d rather be thought of as miserable than pump even one more penny into this pathetic excuse for an industry.

Posted in General Misery, People Skills

P Diddy Criticized for buying his son a car.

•June 15, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I can’t believe this article.

http://uk.cars.yahoo.com/14062010/36/diddy-defends-extravagant-maybach-gift-son-s-1-0.html

… For 2 reasons.

Is it really newsworthy whenever a celebrity buys an extravagant gift?
Are there really so few REAL news stories out there that this filler needs to be published?

I, for one could have lived my entire life not knowing that Diddy has bought a Limo for his son. It wouldn’t have bothered me one bit! And yet, I find myself reading banal “news” articles like this more and more often.

This isn’t news, people! Move on and grow up!

My second issue is centred around the meddling, preachy assholes that are telling Diddy he is in the wrong. What the fuck business is it of yours? Does anyone scrutinize the way you raise your kids? And do you sincerely believe the bullshit you’re running about a 16 year old being damaged in some way by having a £250,000 car bought for him?

Diddy has the right to spend his own money on whatever he wants. And furthermore, he has the right to raise his son any way he wants. Your problem is basically “That’s disgusting! Why can’t I afford a Limo?? Why didn’t MY dad buy me a quarter of a million pound car when I was 16??”

Diddy is rich! Just like thousands of other celebrities out there. Are you going to start scrutinizing all of their gifts? Celebrities buy huge houses for their parents all the time. Is that wrong too?

I have a great deal of admiration for Diddy’s responses in this matter. A lot of celebrities would have caved and fell into some scripted apology. But Diddy stood up to the media and said “Its not your place to tell me how to raise my child or to how spend my money.” You have to respect that.

I just have no idea how he resisted the urge to tell them to go fuck themselves.

Posted in Media Hype, Web
Tags: ,

Fidgeting Drivers

•June 14, 2010 • Leave a Comment

What the hell is wrong with some people … ?

I have had the utterly terrifying misfortune to be the passenger to some of the worst drivers in the history of vehicular travel. I’ve never heard anyone mention this particular annoyance of mine, so I can only assume that it either does not bother others as much as it bothers me, or that several people have decided to do it to me specifically, completely independant of each other.

What I am talking about is the non-stop, incessant fidgeting that some people exhibit whilst behind the wheel of their cars. In the extreme cases, I would estimate that actually driving the car safely and avoiding obstacles in the road is placed somewhere near 5th or 6th in the list of these people’s priorities.

Literally every few seconds, they’re fiddling with their seat, they’re twisting air conditioning knobs, altering temperature guages, changing radio stations … seemingly anything other than just watching the damn road! If I employed this technique, I’d be a nervous wreck myself within 60 seconds, never mind how my passengers might feel!

It’s always the ones that believe themselves to be the best drivers on the road, too. The ones that weave in and out of lanes, cutting other road users up left, right and centre while remaining completely oblivious to the turmoil they’re leaving in their wake. If you’re reading this and thinking “I’ve never been honked at for bad driving” or “there’s nothing wrong with changing the radio station a few times while you’re moving”, chances are YOU are one of these arseholes that have been pissing me off for years.

All drivers should be required to take a refresher test every 12 months – not for basic road safety or highway code knowledge, but to check that they have not turned into one of these cocky fidgeting, knob tweaking, button pushing, glove-box rummaging twats that are putting the lives of everyone on the road in danger every day.

Next time you get into your car, just think about what you do while you’re supposed to be concentrating on the road. If you make more than one adjustment in any 5 minutes of your journey to ANY setting in your car that is not indicators, windscreen wipers or headlights, you’re a fucking menace and need your licence revoked before you kill someone. If it does get that far, let’s just hope that you only kill yourself … although, chances are you’re the kind of tosser that would walk away from the crash laughing, without a scratch while your victims lifeless corpses sit mangled in the car you plowed into from behind at 80 miles per hour.

Posted in General Misery, People Skills

Domain Name Parasites

•June 12, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I’ve had occasion to deal with domain registration sites several times in my life and every time, I’m left filled with anger and frustration.

I can’t say that I’m a huge fan of the sites themselves. They are a classic example of a service that has forced it’s way into being simply to make our lives more frustrating and to screw money out of us to boot. Agents that seem to offer a service to save us money and effort, but essentially take money from us for performing tasks we could easily carry out ourselves. But I feel that’s a subject for another day.

The biggest annoyance in this area is the parasites that buy up web domains with absolutely no intention of using them. I’m not talking about people like the guy that famously bought www.madonna.com and sold it on for a huge profit. They’re a one off. I’m talking about the arseholes that make a living out of buying up thousands of domain names for a few dollars each and then sell them on with a better than a 1,000% mark up. They are nothing less than criminals. Every comparable activity that concerns an actual physical item, be it actual money, concert tickets etc is viewed as illegal. Surely it’s time that this was too.

It’s the sheer calculated nature in which they log domain names that are being searched for and then steal them before you have a chance to get logged in and buy them yourself. Try it – visit such a site and search for something. When you find something that’s available, leave the site for a few minutes and then try again. 99% of the time the name will now be taken. It is disgusting that they get away with this. I have even contacted domain registration sites, alerting them of the parasites watching their sites like hawks … but all I ever get are generic “thank you for contacting us” emails back.

It seems to me that the registration sites could do something toward stopping this if they tried, but they don’t want to. After all, the parasites are buying up huge quantities of domain names every day. Not forgetting that the sites provide a service to the parasites, forwarding their details to anyone that tries to find a domain that’s in their posession. So, there’s another revenue stream for the registration site to take advantage of.

And so, the inevitable conclusion is reached: We’re being ripped off, and there’s nothing we can do about it. I hope that I’ve passed some of my frustration onto you. I can’t say that ranting about it has made me feel much better.

All I can advise is that, should you need to search for a domain name, get registered and logged in on the registration site of your choice before even running the search. Otherwise, you will end up paying at least $55 per year instead of $5.

Posted in Web

The Beautiful Game

•June 11, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Maybe it’s something that’s covered enough in the media already … God knows the whole concept of “The Football Widow” is bandied about so much on TV and radio whenever these tournaments come around that they actually become part of the very problem they’re trying to solve … but I think it needs properly stating:

Hey, media! There are people out here that do not like football!

In fact, there are people that LOATHE football.

People that, at the sight of 22 imbecilic, brainless Neanderthals lumbering around a pitch, spitting and falling over, feel positively overcome with frustration that SO MUCH airtime is dedicated to this POINTLESS activity while perfectly decent other programming is moved or simply cancelled to make the space.

Everyone has access to sports channels these days. Whether their “thing” is football, baseball, hockey, darts, snooker, speedway … EVERYTHING is covered up there in the 400’s on your Sky dial (and it’s other more generic equivalents). So why do we have to endure this endless coverage on channels that otherwise cover no sporting events at all?

And not only that.

Everything on TV and radio has become football-oriented in the build up to the World Cup. Countless programs that are on every day suddenly need to have their ads bastardized with images of their stars on mocked-up football cards, or put into football formations on a crappy football pitch graphic … you can’t even see an advert for crisps or chocolate without getting the World Cup shoved down your throat.

Are the general public really this dense? Really so easily manipulated? 
“You will buy our product because the advert has football in it!”

Go Fuck Yourselves.

I will now AVOID your products based solely on your feeble attempts to garner my interest by saturating my life with references to something in which you assume I am interested.

Everywhere you look, there are new programs popping up providing analysis and commentary on the games as they unfold … never mind the fact that each 90 minute game will be covered by over 2 hours of the same endless drivel and cliched waffle. “So, don’t watch it!” I hear you say. And I won’t – but that basically means that I may as well unplug my TV for the next 4 weeks because the coverage is simply unavoidable. My only hope is that England are knocked out in the early stages so this homo-erotic, nightmarish TV Hell may be cut short.

It’s not even just the football coverage that’s been cranked up to 11. All of the hideous, money-grabbing tabloid newspapers and gut-wrenching, fluff-filled magazines are having a field day with stories on footballer’s tempers, injuries and relationships. You’d have to lock yourself in a soundproof box to get away from this bombardment of drivel.

Thank the lord for my DVD collection!

Of course, this only frees me from half of the saturation of football that periodically invades my life. The rest is from friends, family and colleagues that suddenly become the biggest football nerds on the planet as World Cups, league finals, champions league finals and God know what else come to their inevitably disappointing and dull climaxes as the same few teams fight for the meaningless titles. I find myself in the middle of conversations about red and yellow card rulings, penalty shoot outs, offside rules, tactics, goals-on-aggregate, formation and injuries … SWEET JESUS, THE INJURIES!

You know that I’m not the slightest bit interested – and worst of all, I know that YOU’RE not interested! You’re just way too easily brainwashed by the constant stream of football bollocks being fed into your brain. You’ve been forced to think about it 500 times a day for the last 3 months and it’s convinced you that you’re actually interested. Some people will even admit that they only watch it when it’s England playing! To which the obvious response is “so, WHY? Do you even know why you’re watching?”

Your weak minds are making it too easy for the media to control your interests. Think for yourself, just for once! You might enjoy it.

They call football a “Great Working Class Escape”. Well, if your life is really SO empty that you have to grab onto this uninspiring, meaningless, mind-numbingly boring game to escape into a world where you have some false sense of belonging to something – anything in order to stop you from deep-throating the business end of a shot gun, don’t fucking bother. The world doesn’t need people like you. And we certainly don’t need to hear you cheering drunkenly at each other across the pub, making a noise like a crowd of retards drowning in their own faeces.

In fact, without the immense drag of your DNA in the gene pool, the world would be a much better place. But do me a personal favour before you eat that bullet. First, take care of any offspring you may have spawned – kill the weed as well as the root.

Posted in Media Hype, People Skills, Sport

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