MisterShouty

Review This!

•June 20, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Recently, I’ve seen several people making internet purchase decisions based upon the online reviews at the retailer site they were using. On the face of it, you may think this is a good idea and a necessary practise. I’ll tell you why you’re wrong.

This is more a public service announcement than a rant.

You’re welcome.

First, I should state that I’m not really talking about online reviews at sites like Amazon, where you’ll be buying a DVD or other media based content. They are pretty much OK. The reviews generally talk about the content rather than the physical item, or indeed the service. So, if you find it necessary for someone else to tell you what THEY thought about a film you already like before you buy it, knock yourself out.

However, reviews on sites for hotels, restaurants, home furnishings and the like are less than useless. They serve only as an outlet for every idiot on the ‘net to spout crap. If you’re looking for something that EVERY reviewer liked, you’re wasting your time. There is not a product, service or business out there that doesn’t have at least one awful review. Mostly because the people writing the reviews are (and lets be fair to them) retarded.

If you bought a self-assemble wardrobe from a home furnishings store and it arrived with screws missing, posting a “one star” review about the item is idiotic. That is simply a mistake in the packaging of the item and you just need to email the manufacturer for replacements. A minor inconvenience, sure. But not a reason to bad mouth the website you bought it off, or indeed the item itself!
I’d usually condone random outbursts of irrational rage on the internet (you’re surprised to hear), but the problem here is that the idiots looking at that item fail to make the connection between the complaint and the real issue behind it.

The other problem with blindly believing the one star reviewers is that they are one person amongst hundreds, possibly thousands of customers that have bought that item. Taking into account that most people having a positive experience will simply not even think of going back to the site to write a good review, the overall rating is already massively skewed anyway. Let me quickly point out some reasons I’ve seen for bad reviews:

Holiday Booking – Delayed flight.
Hotel – Male member of staff looked at/hit on my wife!
Restaurant – Ordered a meal I didn’t like and still had to pay for it!
DIY Store – Bought a new toilet, fitted it and it leaked.

When you engage in this pointless activity of checking other people’s experiences, all you’re doing is opening yourself up to the random moanings of miserable idiots that think everything in life should be moulded to shape their personal needs and expectations.

If you fit a toilet, sink or tap and it leaks, and you truly believe it’s not because you’re shit at plumbing, you’re a moron. If you order a dish you don’t like at a restaurant and end up having to have it replaced with something different, it only makes sense that you still PAY for both! What are they running, a charity?

These reviews are based upon an individual experience and should be ignored completely. One bad review amongst a hundred good ones should only tell you that, of the people reviewing, one was a stupid, miserable twat.

Posted in Consumer, General Misery, Web

Side Note

•May 23, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Quick post just to mention how amused I am to find that the IT policy of the company I work for has decided to block this blog!

I feel so proud!

Well, where to start?!

I’d like to thank all the tossers in the office that yell to people less than 3 feet away from them, the wankers that call the desk phones in my office and let them ring for minutes at a time (and the arseholes that leave their phones unattended with ridiculously loud ringtones), the masses of football fans that inspired my original rant on that subject … And of course, God – for providing this world with an inexhaustible supply of insufferable cunts that constantly waffle on about their imaginary friend and how his presence in my life would make just everything so much better!

You all inspire me to continue with my work!
Thank you!

You snivelling bags of shit.

Posted in General Misery, Office

/Rant

•May 22, 2012 • 1 Comment

I think it is a universal truth of the human condition that some days, the universe is just conspiring to ruin your life. Days where stuff is just predetermined to piss you off from the second you wake to the eventual falling into the abyss of unconsciousness via sleep, suicide or horrific car accident.

For me, today is one of those days.

And so, this particular bout of shouting is completely self-indulgent. If you’re not interested in the feeble rantings of one tiny person, yelling into the cosmos, this post won’t be for you!

First off, I woke up to the realization that I fell asleep the last night before finishing off several things I wanted. Yeah, these things can be done tonight and two of them just involve watching the latest episodes of Game Of Thrones and Touch … but still, I fell asleep way earlier than my usual 1am curfew, and in doing so lost 2 or 3 hours of the precious little free time I have these days! And that realization as I woke this morning at 640 just pissed me off.

Striving to defeat the universe’s plan to fuck my day up, I dragged myself out of bed a full 20 minutes before my normal time in order to get the drive to work started early, which in turn would get me a better parking spot at my office. The office at which I work is a pretty big site and arriving late can easily leave you with a 10 to 15 minute walk from car to desk. No massive problem usually, but I have to get away at 12 today in order to attend a training course elsewhere. Hence the early start.

However, the universe won’t stand for that. From the second I pulled out of the layby by my house, the fucktards started RUINING MY LIFE.

Every cunt on the road today was either cutting me up or driving at 15 miles per hour in front of me. It can’t be a coincidence that the day I leave home 20 minutes early, the shit heads on the road all around me slow me down and fuck me up for the entire drive, making the journey EXACTLY 20 minutes longer.

So yes, I end up parked in the middle of a fucking field, 10 minutes away from my desk.

But the hilarity doesn’t stop there!

The course I’m on requires not one, not two, but FOUR separate forms to be completed. And as I’ve been added to the course on a short term basis following a cancellation – at 4pm yesterday – I have exactly zero of them prepared.

But that’s OK, right? I’m in work just after 8. I have 4 hours! Well, yeah that would be fine IF the forms didn’t require signing by managers that don’t bother getting to the office on time … and when they do show up, they disappear into meetings for hours on end. But that’s problem number 2 in this particular bout of my misery. Before they can even be signed, they have to be printed – and as far as I can tell, this hugely successful, multi-million pound, internationally renowned company simply NEVER makes any attempt to ensure that its employees have a working fucking printer in their office.

Well, the way round that slice of Hell is to find a different printer on the network and point my laptop at that instead of the one 6 feet from my desk. That means a good 15 minutes of dicking about trying to find the network ID of the NEXT nearest printer to me, plus a waste of 10 minutes fetching the paperwork from is once it IS actually set up.

So, I’ve lost an hour even before I have the damn forms printed. Now for the signatures, and predictably, the required people are nowhere to be found – right through to 1130 when I need to leave the office for the course.

So after a whole morning of annoyance and stress, I arrive at the course with incomplete paperwork … only for the course runner to take the tiniest of cursory GLANCES at the forms and, without even checking for signatures continue with his fevered ramblings about “the safety measures required for today …” blah blah fucking blah.

Days like this are enough to test the patience of a stoned nun, let alone a miserable cunt like me. And to think that people will be surprised when I eventually snap!

Posted in General Misery, Office

The Acceptable Face Of Paedophilia

•March 20, 2012 • Leave a Comment

It is a universally held belief amongst all well adjusted people that there is no greater crime than the sexual abuse of a child. Even within the criminal elements of society, those convicted of such offences are viewed as a totally different class of evil. And so they should be. But what never ceases to amaze me is the widespread acceptance of other trends and practices that, at best, blur the line between “normal” and paedophilia.

I know I spend a lot of time ranting about stuff on this blog, but aside from that, the main purpose was to challenge received opinion and to point out aspects of society that are accepted but really should not be.

This is the perfect example of that.

Let’s start with inappropriate clothing.

There is an episode of “Family Guy” where Lois (the mother) buys her daughter Meg a t-shirt emblazoned with the slogan “Sperm Dumpster“. Obviously a satirical comment on the way that young teenagers are allowed to dress. However, a more disturbing aspect of this is the way that many parents actually choose to clothe their preteen children. From skimpy, low-necked, midriff-revealing tops right through to jeans with the word “Juicy” scrawled across the buttocks, how can people possibly see these as appropriate items of clothing for a child?

The defense along the lines of “We’re only dressing her up to look nice! If YOU see her as anything else, it’s YOUR problem” is completely idiotic. Especially when this inappropriate clothing is accompanied by lashings of make up, ear rings and high heeled shoes that were actually designed to lengthen the leg and accentuate the ass! Not only are these parents presenting their children to the world in a manner that will attract the attention of paedophiles, they are also programming their child to be overly sexualized even before puberty. Surely, it must be obvious to anyone with half a brain that the dressing of kids as sluts and the rise in teenage pregnancy are directly linked?

It seems that kids are allowed less and less time to actually be kids as we move forward. Pushing the obsession with image, celebrity, make up and jewelry onto them earlier and earlier. We’re just making the situation worse. The celebrity image itself contributes a lot to this, with these famous people appearing everywhere we look, covered in make up and photo-shopped within an inch of their lives until they look like sexy little 15 year olds!

Generation upon generation are being taught from birth that old is unsexy – and anything over 30 is old!

Is it any wonder we are in such a state?

This leads directly into the rash of websites that have started appearing more and more often that count down to the birthday of young celebrities that will render them “legal“! Many of them getting publicity in the mainstream press … but not to point out how SICK they are! No – to join in on the “hilarious” nature of them!

I’m sure the parents of Billie Piper and Emma Watson just rolled about watching that clock tick down to the inevitable defiling of their little girl!

The Acceptable Face Of Paedophilia!

Now, let’s move on to a behaviour of adults that’s questionable at the very least. The schoolgirl fetish. Often quoted as the men’s fantasy and “totally harmless“, “perfectly normal” … Well, is it? Really?

Is it really perfectly acceptable to play out fantasies where you’re having sex with a schoolgirl?
To dress up your long-suffering partner in a ridiculously short skirt, long socks, scruffy blouse and school tie … like something out of a Britney Spears music video and, quite literally, pretend to be banging a schoolgirl?

No. But it’s The Acceptable Face Of Paedophilia!

And, while I’m in the area of the over-sexualization of schoolgirls in American (and increasingly) British pop culture, the obsession with just-about-old-enough school/college kids losing their virginity in movies is another thing that seems just really creepy to me! Even the best among them, the ones that attempt to instill some values into their young viewers via the “message” of the plot, still cannot escape the fact that they are promoting promiscuity in teens and portraying anyone that would rather choose to wait for the right person or right time as geeky outcasts that should be shunned, mocked and ignored!

Isn’t this the complete opposite of the message that we should be promoting to our teenagers? Or have we all just decided that it’s better to get them shagging nice and early, so we can all get in on the fun?!

It’s just hideous and disturbing to think that people are watching these movies and NOT seeing them for the nasty, offensive pieces of trash that they are. I view them as no better than the websites that pop up advertizing their “Barely Legal” wares while I’m trying to concentrate on normal porn!

… but I digress.

The sexualization of young teenagers and preteens is rife in our modern society and there are no signs that it is on the decline. So many different things that are judged to be perfectly fine by parents and society in general contribute to this that it seems it’s impossible to eradicate. These practices and trends are widespread and already accepted into our lives, even though they are all leading us down a very dodgy path.

Playboy Products for preteens.
Babies with ear piercings.
Beauty Pageants for toddlers.
Toddlers in music videos “shaking their booty”.
High Heeled Shoes for kids.
THONGS for kids.
Jewelry for 6-year-olds.
Make Up sets for 6-year-olds.

In the most fundamental and disturbing way possible, we are poisoning our children’s minds.

For their sake, give them time to just be kids!
God knows, this world will screw them up soon enough without your help.

Posted in Consumer, Media Hype

Loss of a luxury.

•February 21, 2012 • Leave a Comment

It seems that, as our society evolves and more “luxuries” become available to anyone with more than a few pennies in their bank, the real luxuries of our humble existance are becoming fewer and fewer.

The incessant flashing, beeping, shrieking and vibrating of the mobile phone in everyone’s pocket is a subject upon which I have dwelt on more than one occasion. I believe that this particular “luxury” turned to a curse within a few short months of the popularization of the text message. Since then, it has only gotten worse – and to an extent that even I, in my ultimate state of pessimism, could never have predicted.

But this particular device is only one contributing factor to the loss of something pretty special in our lives. Something that is now nigh on impossible to achieve in any way. The true luxury of which I speak is silence.

Just silence.

The ability to sit somewhere quiet, perhaps to just doze for half an hour, perhaps to enjoy a few chapters of a book, or perhaps even to sit in the sun on a nice day and actually enjoy the tiny interruptions of that silence provided by birds …

These ideas are a thing of the past. Not only have we gotten to the point where switching our phones off for an hour leaves us in an uneasy state of wondering whether there is someone trying to contact us for a good reason, as opposed to the banality we are forced to endure for the most part of our “social networking”, but even in the complete absence of our phones, it is still impossible to find any place that is even quiet, let alone silent.

If it’s not the neighbours having what sounds like a fist fight in their kitchen, it’s a gang of kids screaming outside …

And yes, I do mean SCREAMING.
Blood-curdling screams that bring to mind scenes from Hellraiser or Hostel.

It seems that, in the years since my own childhood, the standard way for someone between the ages of 7 and 13 to have fun has changed from driving a remote controlled car, flying a kite or riding a bike to, quite literally standing on the same spot for hours on end, screaming.

And sitting out in the sun? Don’t get me started! The tiniest glimmer of sunlight breaking through the clouds has become an invitation for every arsehole in the country to blast an offensive mixture of Reggae, Dance and R&B from their unnecessarily powerful speakers to their neighbours bleeding ears. Accompanied, of course with the sight of those arseholes parading about the street in nothing but a pair of shorts and flip-flops, drinking can after can of special brew and getting progressively louder and more offensive with every mouthful. Not to mention the inevitable fucking barbeque on these “sunny” days which fill the air with the vile, acrid stench of burning meat and the sound of those same drunk arseholes getting even more drunk as the evening turns into the middle of the fucking night.

It’s at times like this where even a sniper’s rifle wouldn’t do the trick! What this situation calls for is 2 or 3 hand grenades! Yeah, the explosions would just make more noise … but at this point, I’m generally past actually trying to get a few moments peace. I just want vengeance!

Vengeance for the loss of social etiquette.

Vengeance for the theft of what could have been a nice relaxing afternoon.

Vengeance for having to endure the additional noise of people whining about the arseholes noise!

Vengeance for their contribution to the decay of western society.

And vengeance for their contribution to the advancement of my inevitable Michael-Douglas-In-Falling-Down style psychotic break that will leave me uncontrollably dribbling and slowly rocking in a room with rubber walls.

Posted in General Misery, People Skills

When I Come To Power, Part 1.

•January 19, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I’m sure this is something that many people have thought about at some time. Exactly what laws would you abolish, create or change if you had the power to do so?
Well, over a few posts, I’ll be describing some of the very specific changes I’d make. Let’s do this is categories. First, Prison.

I’m a firm believer of two things when it comes to inprisonment of criminals.

1. They are in prison to be punished.
2. By breaking the laws that are in place to protect society, they forego their right to almost all human rights.

So, first and foremost, prison should be the most terrible, depressing place anyone could possibly imagine. You talk about deterrants? Stopping people re-offending? Well, here’s a wacky notion: How about you make prison incredibly unpleasant? When criminals re-enter society after serving their time, they should feel the need to do everything in their power to never get sent down again! Not simply get reacquainted with their law-breaking ways and use their time inside as a kind of war wound with which they gain respect from their criminal friends!

Now, I’m not going to argue that anyone enjoys being in prison. And I’m not suggesting that being removed from society and deprived of spending time with your family and friends isn’t a punishment. But what I AM saying is that we should not be limiting the punishment to those two things!

For a start, there was nothing wrong with the old “Bread & Water” concept when it comes to feeding prisoners. Never mind special diets for the religious, the vegetarians or whever else they might claim. Try living on nothing but bread for a few years! See how you enjoy that.

Second, why do we feel it necessary to entertain our prisoners? They don’t need televisions, games consoles, movies, music … What they need is mind-numbing boredom the likes of which they would do anything to avoid enduring again! This idea of keeping criminals happy while they serve their time makes me want to retch!

OK, MAYBE people locked up for non-violent crime don’t deserve quite the same level of hell as the murderers and rapists, but surely ALL of them deserve punishment!?

While we’re on the subject, isn’t it completely obvious that there is a sure-fire way of stopping rapists re-offending? One simple castration later, they’ll be as timid as a kitten!

And murderers, well … that’s a whole other concept! Why do we cling to this ludicrous notion that all lives are of equal merit? OK, a guy kills an innocent man, he should be locked up until he dies. But I think that the reasons for murder should always be considered when doling out the punishment.

You killed a guy just because you don’t like him? Or because the voices in your head told you to?
OK, you’re clearly crazy. Life inprisonment.

But a guy kills a man that has broken into his home and is actually in the act of stealing his posessions?
Yeah, he committed murder, but he only killed some chavvy little cunt that thought the law was only there to be broken. 5 years at the most!

But I digress …

Whilst imprisoned, there should be no “time off for good behaviour”. Good behaviour is the MINIMUM to be assumed from prisoners. If they are “good” whilst inside, then they only serve the time they were given when sentenced. Prisoners failing to be “good” should have time ADDED to their existing sentence and MAYBE if they then calm down and act like humans once again, that added time can be taken back off. But people serving less than the sentences they were allocated during their trial makes a mockery of the whole legal system.

People say the law is an ass? No. The law is a spineless pussy that’s terrified of anyone getting upset or offended by it’s actions. If they really want to sort out the criminal elements of society, they need to grow some balls and start making criminal life a living hell.

Posted in Crime, General Misery, People Skills

Mini Rant: Breasts!

•January 19, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Whilst reading about the recent “tragedy” of many women’s breast implants leaking all of that nasty, poisonous silicone into their bodies, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of … well, hilarity.

Am I the only one that thinks this is just hilarious?

These vain, vacuous, narcisists pay thousands of pounds to get their egos surgically enhanced and end up paying more than the price on the label! Well, what a shame!

The only thing that dulls my pure enjoyment of this news story is the suggestion that we, as tax payers, now have to foot the bill to put right what these Boob-Whisperers screwed up! I’m sorry, but you chose to have this totally unnecessary procedure done in the first place. You should be the ones paying to have it fixed! As if our tax money isn’t already desperately needed for legitimate reasons, you come along with your infected fake tits and expect a hand out.

You’re nothing but parasites.

Turned away from hospitals because the surgery is totally unnecessary, you go to some quack that probably does it on a fold-up table with a rusty knife and rotting materials. Did you really think this would end well? Maybe it’s the wrong question to ask. The kind of women that get breast implants are rarely the ‘thinking’ kind at all.

Hell, half of them probably don’t even notice when they wake up with someone else’s nipples.

Posted in Consumer, Media Hype, People Skills

Mini Rant: SMS Spammers

•January 17, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I’m not talking about strangers that send you the odd text message about signing up to a new casino website or buying penis stiffening solutions of the internet … I’m talking about people you know that send messages ALL THE TIME. There are people in my life … and I’m not saying I’d rather NOT have friends … but there are people in my life that just never …. SHUT … UP!

I have one friend in particular who has literally not left me alone for a period of 24 hours for over 12 months. He sends the occasional email as well, but it’s mostly SMS and he is the main reason why my phone is always set to silent these days. Irritating wanker that texts with messages ranging from the most mundane crap to requests that I do all sorts of shit, regardless of time of day or whether I’m at work at the time or not!

I know there are people like this in almost everyone’s life and I think it’s time we figuratively and collectively all stood up and told them to FUCK OFF!

I’ve not been a fan of the text message – or even the mobile phone – for a long time. I find them to be the single most instrumental device in the decline of both general manners and society as a whole. However, this breed of mobile phone user is the worst of the worst.

Yet, even within this fetid pool of the rankest element in our society, there are discrete levels of depravity.

Those that don’t let 24 hours pass without texting everyone in their phonebook are annoying.

Those that do so by the use of mass texting, so all you get is a generic load of spouted bullshit, are even worse.

But the top prize goes to those irritating fuckers that send you a lengthy text message, full of questions you are required to answer … and then, within 90 seconds – while you’re still attempting to make some sense of their fevered, grammatically incorrect ramblings – they send another!

Would you just fucking STOP doing that shit?!

By sending a text message, you are entering into a social contract that requires you to await a response. Much in the same way that when I receive a text message, I am obliged by that same social contract to reply within a certain acceptible timeframe.

If these social contracts – the unwritten laws of the very society that keeps us on this side of anarchy – are ignored or allowed to break down, chaos will rule!

And, believe me, the people responsible for keeping your cellular network functional will be amongst the first to submit to that chaos, rendering your shitty little iPhone USELESS!

So.

For the sake of all that is good in this world.

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

WAIT YOUR TURN!

And LEAVE US THE HELL ALONE unless you have something important to say, you waste of cock juice.

Posted in General Misery, People Skills

Mini Rant: Answer The Fucking Phone!

•January 17, 2012 • 1 Comment

Something that has been grinding on me somewhat of late is yet another irritant of the office world.

Let me set the scene a little.

The office in which I work is pretty massive. Several hundred people at open-plan desks sharing a space about as big as 2 football fields. So you can imagine how often the sound of ringing phones fills the air.

Now, phones have been the subject of many a rant on my part in the past, but this time it is specifically about office desk phones, all of which are set to the same generic ringtone and are ringing, quite literally, CONSTANTLY.

OK, headphones (or earplugs) fix this, but there are times when you just want to unplug your ears and let some air in! And to have them assaulted in this manner as soon as you do is enough to make you want to throttle the nearest person to you until the light drains out of their glassy, lifeless eyes.

This situation is only exacerbated by the fact that there are assholes out there ringing people in this office that, when they don’t get answered within the standard phone-answering time (which I judge to be about 45 seconds), they don’t hang up! No. They just let the fucking thing ring.

And ring.

And fucking ring.

So, as if it’s not bad enough that new calls pollute this office every few seconds, we also have these CUNTS that refuse to hang up! Do you REALLY think that the person is there, just sitting listening to the phone ring? You think it’s a weird game some people play?

Just give up, you fucking freak!

I’ve come so close to picking up one of these constantly ringing phones and asking exactly how long they need to hear that tone ringing in their ear before it gets through their thick fucking skull that no one is at the fucking desk! Send an email! Try again later! Do ANYTHING BUT JUST LETTING IT RING in an office FULL of people trying to work!

Of course, the problem with that is, if I did launch into a four letter tirade, it’d be ME that would be punished. Fucking uptight HR people! What a load of fuckheads they are!

Yet another thing to add to the list of crap that makes me want to bring a gun to work.

Posted in General Misery, Office, People Skills

Adverts – Part 2

•July 7, 2011 • Leave a Comment

The next item on my list of advert grievances concerns the actual content of adverts and the cynical way in which they are constructed. Many years ago, it was decided that the use of actual subliminal messages in adverts should be made illegal. However, there are many different ways in which the viewer can be manipulated subliminally that do not invole the ONE method that was outlawed.

Subliminal cuts cannot be used – the flashing of an image so briefly in the advert that you do not consciously see it … the classic example being in cinemas, where subliminal images of drinks and popcorn were placed in the previews, allegedly prompting people to go out and buy more. Test data suggested that it DID work – and it led to the method being banned.

So, the makers of modern adverts are much more subtle in their use of subliminal messages.

Have you ever noticed that in every advert for bread, the actor is ALWAYS a child? Is it because children like sandwiches more than adults? No! It’s because their hands are smaller and make the bread look bigger. When you point this out, people very often argue that no one would fall for such a trick. That you can clearly SEE it’s a child, so the ad isn’t even TRYING to trick you. Well, that is not the case. Children have been used in adverts for decades to make products seem bigger, to seem like they are better value than the competition.

It is much the same as in adverts for family cars. They always slip in that shot of the kids in the back of the car JUST as they’re talking about the car’s unbelievable leg room … or head clearance … or even boot space! And yeah, looking at a car with a toddler in the back seat will make the car look huge! Put a toddler in the back of a mini and the amount of leg room will look surprising!

Speaking of children in adverts, why do so many of these companies think that showing us babies eating spaghetti (and other messy food) will convince us to buy their shitty product? In my opinion, this is one of the most disgusting sights in all of television. And I’ve seen episodes of “What Katie Did Next” that showed Jordan’s face without make-up.

And adverts for nappies?! Why are they full of naked babies? Who wants to see that … apart from paedophiles, that is? Fully grown adults … kissing naked babies arses? What the hell? Do people actually do that?! If so, what the fuck is wrong with them?! This is a perfect example of something that needs no advertizing! Everyone with a baby already knows that they need them. It’s not even like there are loads of competing brands!

But I digress.

Let’s move on to my next grievance. This technique is fairly new. The “expert testimonial” trick where we are presented with some actor shown with a graphic claiming he’s a doctor or a dentist or an expert in some other area. He then whittles on, answering questions that we haven’t heard, looking off-camera, supposedly talking to the “interviewer” in this fake, scripted bullshit. Who do they think they are fooling?

Adding to the annoyance is the fact that these ads are invariably shot as though the cameraman is suffering from advanced Parkinson’s disease. What, are we supposed to be fooled into thinking it’s a hidden camera? That the whole thing ISN’T fully scripted? Again, they’re fooling no one if that is the case …

And finally, for this post at least, I go back to the practise of these people that write adverts in which problems we didn’t know we had are accenuated in an attempt to make their useless product seem necessary.

“Are you sick of battling your way into fiddly tins of tuna?”
Well, no. I’m not retarded. I can use a can opener.

“Do you have embarassing, dry, cracked heels?”
Again, no. And in whose weird, skewed opinion is a dry heel embarassing?

“Does your dog need a jacket?”
No. It’s a DOG.

“Are you feeding your cat this SPECIAL Cat Milk?”
No. And I Never will.

“Are you feeding your KITTEN this SPECIAL milk that’s totally different to CAT milk!?”
Fuck off!

It really comes to something when these companies have to invent the need for their own products. Does it not strike you that these new items that you apparantly so desperately need are still appearing on the market, a hundred years after the Western World started living in a society that began catering for our every need?

Surely by now, everything we actually do need to live comfortably has already been around for decades?

Surely, if we actually needed a new kind of milk to feed babies that have recently been weaned from breast milk, it would have been available YEARS ago?

And yet, we are still presented with ads that practically accuse us of child abuse if we don’t use the stuff!

If only the general public were intelligent enough to see this practically undisguised, cynical use of fear in advertizing, the ad makers would eventually be forced to engage their brains and earn their wages for once in their pathetic lives.

Posted in Consumer, General Misery